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LSU Students Protest on Why You Shouldn’t be an Organ Donor

This week in Free Speech Alley, a new group of protesters were spotted speaking out against organ donation. Signs outside of the Student Union read, “My Organs, Your Loss,” and “Dead Body My Body!” We at The Black Sheep spoke with the protestors to learn more.

Junior Anthropology major Leland Sumner lead the protest. “So many people think it’s okay for us to give away our organs when we die. As the leader of Students Against Organ Donation as well as Louisiana’s Young Nihilists, I strive to educate the masses on life’s meaninglessness. We don’t owe each other anything, and our vital organs are simply useless!”

Sumner has taken his protesters past the doors of the Union, picketing at hospitals across the New Orleans and Baton Rouge area. He and his nihilistic cohorts have been banned from Ochsner, Baton Rouge General Medical Center, and Tulane Medical Center. The group is trying to infiltrate smaller hospitals in rural Louisiana to spread their message to anyone who will listen. “U.S. healthcare corporations have tricked Americans into thinking our bodies are receptacles for helping sick people. The reality is that our lives are meaningless, and the sooner they end, the better.”

The group has slowly started to dominate Free Speech Alley to the dismay of LSU students and protesters alike. John Day, senior, is very offended by the group’s protest. “Who the fuck agrees with this? There’s nothing bad about being an organ donor. I’m all for free speech and stuff, but this is horrendous.” Students from Free Speech First, a student group promoting the First Amendment, are not sure how to handle the situation. Kelly Holloway, president of the FSF, has declined to make any official statements against the Students Against Organ Donation.

“I know a lot of people are upset by our message. Has anyone in history ever made waves because everyone liked them? I don’t think so. One day, you’ll all wish you stuck it to the big healthcare organizations when your organs are used to fuel the next shitty generation. At least I can die knowing I didn’t contribute to the future of this deplorable society,” said Cheryl Hartglow, one of SAOD’s newest supporters.

Theta Xi president Jacob Newhouse decided to get on the bandwagon. “I mean, my lungs are pretty fucked from all the joes I smoke, and my liver’s probably shot, too. So I feel them on the anti-donating thing. My organs have been on a downward spiral since rush week 2014.” He and his fraternity brothers officially stand by the SAOD, and will be having a human anatomy-themed bus trip in their honor.

“We don’t care if you are with us or against us. We will keep fighting organ donation until our voice is heard. Life is meaningless and we must stop helping each other! It’s 2017 and people need to take control of their bodies,” said Sumner in his final statement to The Black Sheep. Whether the organization continues to protest on campus or not, they are definitely a cause for debate in Free Speech Alley.

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