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‘My Ma And Grandma Were Both Members, So That Makes Me Like, A Triple Legacy,’ Says Sorority’s House Boy

Baton Rouge, LA– Louisiana State University freshman Aaron White, seeking to wear his mothers’ letters, took part in IFC recruitment, but dropped out after being cut from top tier frat on the 1st round. He filled the void in his heart with the 289 women of Eta Omicron Tau (HOT) by becoming their sorority house boy.

“Sure, I was pretty bummed when the bros of Sig AE cut me, up until I met the women of HOT It’s barely been a month with these ladies, but I already have bid day ideas in my notes for next year. I’m hoping my grandma’s rec letter will have me in here just in time for Big/Little reveal next month,” said White.

Sorority member Hannah Baker, says White is an asset to the chapter given that he wears Lululemon, “like every day.” “It’s just a bit distasteful and awkward when we’re all in Lulu, but one person’s in Fabletics, because all their Lulu is in the wash, but Aaron just gets it ya know? He fits right in!” stated Baker.

When asked about his relationship with the HOT women, White gushed, “I don’t know what it is or what it could be, but I think it’s the one for me. Everyone here is so different, like Tiffany’s easy going, but also doesn’t take shit from anybody, and you can see that from her daily Starbucks order of a Venti Iced Skinny Hazelnut Macchiato, sugar free syrup, extra shot, light ice, no whip.”

Recruitment Chair, Regina Johnson, stated, “I don’t want to sound like a total bitch, but like he’s better at bouncing and clapping than most of our 5th years. Nationals says we’d go over quota pledging him, but like it’s 2018, so fuck a quota, right? Let’s pledge White!”

According to Nationals, Aaron White will have to remain as just a HOT house boy, because going over quota is unconventional.

The sisters of HOT cohesively decided to boycott their upcoming bikini contest philanthropy event in response to White not being able to partake in it himself as a H.O.T. member.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.

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