Thanksgiving break is next week, and hopefully everyone gets to go home, but there are always those few stragglers that live too far away to travel back. You’ve got a limited number of options of places to eat on campus, most of which are sad because you’ll be alone, but mainly because the food isn’t exactly defined as edible. The Black Sheep has come up with the saddest places to eat Thanksgiving alone on campus, ranked from least sad to real motherfuckin’ sad.
5.) The Magnolia Room:
Probably the least sad place you could eat Thanksgiving alone. It’s clean, somewhat resembles an actual restaurant, and it doesn’t have a strange body odor aroma. There’s some sense of normalcy so you might not be as covered in tears.
4.) The Faculty Club:
Again, not hella sad. The food doesn’t taste like it’s been spit in and it doesn’t make you want to throw yourself off a cliff. Sad, but not LSU’s-loss-to-Bama-sad.
3.) Student Union:
Now we’re getting there. You’ve ventured into a deeper, darker sadness. Even when school is in session, the Union has a vibe about it that kind of makes you wish the entire building would burn to the ground so they could start all over again. Eating alone here might just make you commit arson.
2.) The 5/459:
Ah yes, the lovely resident dining halls. Ill lighting? Check. The smell of shit covered stale nuggets? Check. Disgruntled employees that act as if they’re in the 7th circle of hell? Check. Resident dining halls are a place where souls and real food go to die.
1.) Subway in Foster Hall:
And we’ve made it, that saddest possible place to eat Thanksgiving alone on campus. The Subway in Foster Hall most likely hasn’t been checked by a health inspector in seven years, and if it had, would be closed down and sanctioned off. It’s dirty, smells weird, and definitely is infested with some type of bug/animal. If you eat outside on the tables, it’s like playing dodgeball but with bird shit and you’re the automatic loser. Just keep your mouth closed and your head down and don’t tell anyone you ate Thanksgiving here.
We hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving, albeit sad and lonely. Hopefully this list hasn’t given you nightmares. Gobble gobble, motherfucker.
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to our POD: