The first week of school means everything on campus is super crowded right now. Everything! From classes to the student union, (not the dining halls though- they just changed their policies and charge real $$$ for your guests). You’re tired of being pushed and shoved….you’re ready to call it quits. Sooooo, ever think about what some people do instead of attend college? The Black Sheep has you covered on back up plans your parents are sure to hate.
Speaking of your parents, you may have to move back in with those old turds. It’s not that embarrassing once you take into account that some successful people like Steve Jobs, tennis player Rafael Nadal, and Jennifer Lawrence all happened to live with their parents. Just don’t make it too long of a stay, otherwise getting laid will become even more of an impossible feat than it is for you already.
6.) Become a Pirate:
This is like that one South Park episode where the crew goes to Somalia and become pirates. After all, they did convince the original bad guys they were there to have their own fleet of ships. You’ll get to have your own fleet of ships from oil tankers, yachts, cruise ships and perhaps even a military destroyer. That’s livin’ the dream, man.
5.) Open a Bookstore:
The LSU bookstore is ridiculously expensive. Yet somehow, you’re able to get a giant loan from the bank even though you’re sinking faster than the Titanic in student debt. So start your own bookstore and sell books to LSU students. All you have to do is buy the same books that the bookstore on campus has and sell them for a dollar less. You’d be rich faster than if you decided to have finished your degree and worked for decades. Screw it, we’re stealing this idea for ourselves!
4.) Start Your Own Business:
Gates, Zuckerberg, Richard Branson, Michael Dell, Rachel Ray, Harrison Ford, Nicole Kidman, Tiger Woods, Lebron James, Josh Hamilton, Lady Gaga, Adele, and manyyyyyyy others all did not finish college. They dropped out and became more successful than they would be if they had went to college. If it worked for them, it’ll work for us, right?
3.) Become a Stripper:
You’d be surprised how successful this profession is for college dropouts. Countless people at LSU have become strippers when they decide that school is too hard for them, y’know, so we’ve heard… You would average about $46,000 annually and you’d only have to work night shifts. The downside is, you have to be attractive and know some sick dance moves. Yeah…nevermind.
So now you’re homeless. Turns out, this alternative isn’t that bad. Most homeless people that are on the streets by choice make $15 an hour on average. If you work 12 hours a day for 7 days a week, you will rake in $65,700 at the end of the year. And with no tax on your income, you’ll have access to lots of free food of varying quality time to time. It’s probably not the most comfortable life, but you will save lots of money. Say it with us, “NO PROPERTY TAXES!”
1.) Move to Alabama:
You don’t need a college education to be considered smart in Alabama. You probably need to know some 1st grade reading and writing and be at the same level as their college grads. Their average household income is around $58,000. However, you could easily make ten times that much money if you simply knew how to brush your teeth and become a dental hygienist model.
So there you have it folks! These are your 7 alternatives to not attending LSU. None of them are bad at all and they lead to success.