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The Ultimate Survival Guide For The Broke LSU Student

 

If you’re reading this then you most likely fit into one of the two college kid categories…You’re a freshman who got taken advantage of by sweet, sweet freedom this month and will now take this survival guide extremely seriously and actually get something out of it or…You’re between the ages of 20-28 and have found yourself, yet again, caught in this massive shit storm of having no money. No worries: The Black Sheep is here with the ultimate survival guide for an oh-so poor you:

6.) Return your useless textbook:

No, we’re not promoting irresponsibility… all we’re suggesting is maybe; just maybe your teacher is a liar who lied about the urgency of your textbook. We’ve all purchased that insanely priced textbook that we may have used like, twice the entire semester. Either return it indefinitely or just wait until you have money again to repurchase.

5.) Repeat after us: I will not drive my car anywhere and will take Tiger Trails everywhere for the rest of the month:

Considering the fact that every LSU student drives to school, this could be the hardest sacrifice listed. Because let’s face it…Tiger Trails is a drag: It’s slow, it’s like 0 degrees freezing, AND you have to stand up for like 30 minutes straight because it’s crowded as hell. But think of how much money you can save from leaving your empty-tanked vehicle at home. Take advantage of the free transportation y’all, and go literally everywhere on these buses. Yes, even to non-LSU related places.

4.) Strap yourself down with flasks or empty flattened water bottles on your big night out:

Oldest trick in the book. If you’ve never done this, then you are being robbed blind by THE MAN. It’s very simple: lay off the fancy Mardi Gras edition Abita’s and instead, live off that delectable $5 bottle of vodka rubbing alcohol you have laying around your room leftover from game day. It’s going to be rocky but you DO NOT have the funds for Tigerland’s fancy well-grade shots.

Great hiding spots: a purse, the inside of your boots, the bra region, the groin area.

3.) Call your mom and tell her your rude teacher just now decided to make you purchase a textbook:

Shady, shady business indeed, but it’s a cold world and we gotta eat. (There are only so many ways you can make a meal out of ramen and a can of beans.) This way you will get an additional $50 that will go to necessary things like bar cover and essential oils.

2.) Go with your privileged Paw Point-friends to The Union and eat off their plates:

If you’re lucky enough to have a friend who have this absolutely wonderful thing called Paw Points, then you are indeed, blessed. Yeah, they’re going to be pretty annoyed with you and will probably tell you to get a job and stuff but what are friends for…right? You know, tough times, that kinda thing. Simply eat off their plates to make yourself look vulnerable and fragile. Or better yet, persuade them into buying you a gourmet burrito from The Union by promising them you’ll walk their dog or do their Spanish homework in return.   

1.) Go to the random yet free events on campus:

Ugh, another seminar on changing the world and mindful study habits? LSU is chock-full of these. (Hint: Lame meet and greets=free pizza.)

We hope this guide has taught you a thing or two and will save you from having to sell your plasma. Hang in there, Tigers. You can do this. You can live off a mere $7 while still being so extra in college.

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