At the University of Maryland, we pride ourselves on being diverse and innovative, but there are certain requirements when it comes to living life as a Terp. Are you fulfilling your role in this sacred community? You are most certainly not about the “Terp Up” if you:
5.) Ignore Testudo as you walk past McKeldin:
In the words of Stephanie Tanner from Full House, “How rude?!” We know not everyone is superstitious, but seriously, if you’re walking around campus thinking that it’s just a statue, you need to reevaluate why you’re even here, and not “here” as in UMD. We mean “here” as in the purpose of your existence.
4.) Actually respect the rules of the Compost/Recycling bins at Stamp:
It’s nice that you care about Mother Nature and all, and Maryland is definitely one of the most sustainable campuses in the country–we just use that all for bragging rights. We’re dicks who actually care about Earth, but not if it means we have to demonstrate more than three seconds of cognitive thinking. Stop sorting things for the good of our planet as we know it and just pick a bin.
3.) Didn’t hang up your traditional sheet of red cellophane for Homecoming Week:
Not to be basic, but it literally takes two minutes for you to hang those red plastic sheets up in your window frame. What, you’re too busy binge watching episodes of The Office or something? That show’s been off the air for more than three years now! Say it with us, everyone: PRIORITIES.
2.) Wear anything BUT red, gold, black and white to Maryland sports games:
It takes effort to lack this much spirit. Why are you here? What did we ever do to you? Is it Daddy issues? Are you emotionally unavailable or like, emotionally damaged? Is it like a reverse psychology thing? Fuck this shit, no. You just don’t love yourself– or any of us.
1.) Never complain about Maryland Weather:
If you don’t mind feeling like this place is the frozen tundra every morning and the sandy beaches of Miami in the afternoon, YOU. DON’T. KNOW. WHAT. IT. MEANS. TO. BE. FROM. MARYLAND. PERIOD. Leave and don’t come back until you have some respect for this bipolar shithole.