As a student at UMD, odds are you’re pretty well informed on a variety of topics involving our stomping grounds. Still, there are a lot of misconceptions floating around our school. But you’re smarter than that, right? Right. In honor of April Fools’ Day, we’ve put together a list chock-full of things that us Terps fool ourselves into believing about our school. Any of them sound familiar?
5.) Maryland Football is Going to Have Their Year:
Every single year, we trick ourselves into believing that our football team is actually worth watching and that we actually have a shot at being a decent team. But no matter who the coach is, who we recruit, or how many articles say we’ll be one of the top 3 in our conference, our football team still falls flat. Sure, we got lucky and landed a bowl game this year, but Penn State still smacks us damn near every time. That’s, like, two losses in one.
4.) UMD Men’s Basketball is a Final Four Team Every Year:
Jake Layman went on to set an NBA record and he still lost to Kansas in the Sweet Sixteen his senior year. Face it: the men’s team will forever continue to bow out in the first or second round of March Madness no matter who is on the team. Unless Melo Trimble magically turns into Michael Jordan and every else transforms into the rest of the 1996 Chicago Bulls roster, there’s no way we’re getting to the Final Four. Even if we made it further than usual, we’d probably top out in the Elite Eight. That hurts to think about.
3.) The Point of Failure is Legit:
Come on, you don’t really believe that urban legend, do you? Stepping on that crack won’t break your mother’s back, but it’ll definitely break her heart if she finds out you’re still believe in superstitions. Whether you stepped on it and stepped up your study game for midterms or you stepped on it and gave up on college indefinitely to pursue a career crystal healing, stepping on the Point of Failure didn’t determine your future. Those crystals sure did, though.
2.) Stamp Hill is That Bad:
Everyone loves complaining about Stamp Hill, but come on. You know your butt looks the plumpest it ever has. Do you not like having a great set of legs? Besides, when was the last time you regretted walking up a steep hill for 30 seconds? The answer to that is never, unless you’re a pessimistic loser. Look at it this way; instead of walking through Stamp next time, just take the hill. Everyone else might think they’re suffering, but you’ll know you’re starting that workout you’ve been putting off since freshman year. We swear you probably won’t hate it.
1.) Offering Items to Testudo Works:
We gifted jar upon jar of protein powder last year in the hopes that Testudo would bulk up our grades, but guess what: we still couldn’t manage a 3.0. Was it the fact that we went on a Natty & ramen bender during finals and pulled five all-nighters in a row? No shit. You could leave Dez Wells’ college career and President Loh himself as offerings and Testudo would still shove them right back up your ass. Here’s to another year of repeated classes. Drink up.
WATCH: As the Final Four begins, here’s what the Pac 12 is talking about: