April 20th is just a normal day to most people, but to others, 4/20 is a worldwide stoner holiday. Although illegal in most states across the nation, potheads come together on this day every year to do what they call “#FuckinBlazinItYouFuckinBitch” and enjoy themselves under the influence. So you’re asking yourself ,“Why shouldn’t I enjoy my day like them? Why shouldn’t I partake in the devil’s lettuce?” Well, here’s why.
7.) You can fucking die:
Imagine hitting the reefer and dying instantaneously? Is that scary? Well, every wives’ tale has said that smoking weed will make your heart stop and you’ll die. Has this ever happened? Probably not, but like, don’t mess around with death.
6.) Weed turns you into a lazy person:
We’ve all been around a smoker who does nothing but sit around and well, do nothing. What kind of fun is it to sit and do nothing? Have you ever done that before? Probably not, because you’re not a lazy piece of shit. Go for a run on 4/20 and have fun doing it.
5.) Weed makes you grow pubes inside of your mouth:
Fucking mouth pubes dude. If you even somewhat dislike having facial hair, you’re going to HATE having facial hair but inside of your mouth. They say smoking weed gives you cotton mouth but imagine having a mouth so dry that pubes start to grow within it. That’s equally disgusting and terrifying, so just don’t do it dude.
4.) The devil can summon himself from the weed smoke:
This isn’t your mama’s lettuce from the garden, this is the devil’s lettuce from hell. Imagine poking smot and out of nowhere, Lucifer appears right there in your room. What are you going to do? Who are you going to call? Ghostbusters won’t help you here, so if you wanna smoke weed, make sure to call your rabbi and let ‘em know you’re about to smoke weed. We promise it’ll go over well…
3.) You’ll become Steve Buscemi:
I dunno man, just look at him and tell us why you think it’s still a good idea.
2.) Smoking weed causes smokers to perform the Macarena unintentionally:
Talk about dancing fever! Imagine being all nice and high when out of nowhere, you get the uncontrollable urge to do the Macarena. Yeah, it is a fun dance that we all know and love, but imagine doing it without intention as if it were a seizure. Whoever thought smoking pot would make transport you permanently back to the ‘90s? Just don’t do that to yourself.
1.) You’ll smell like pot:
Do you really wanna smell like a rotting skunk? How gross and unattractive is that to walk around from class to class while smelling like the stinky extract of an animal? It’s pretty fucking gross and your parents will probably smell it through the phone when they check on you. That just isn’t a risk you should be willing to take.
Do whatever you wanna do though, I mean, weed is tight.