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7 Ways to Slide Into A Terp’s DMs On Valentine’s Day

Are you one of the many losers without a Valentine’s date? Do you have the urge to finally say something to your in-class crush? Are you still a total loser who doesn’t know how to speak to the opposite gender? Just slide into their DMs, you dingus! Does it work every time? No, but does it give results? Well, yeah. So, here’s a few ways to slide in and hopefully get some Terp-tushy on Cupid’s day.

7.) Send a UMD related Valentine’s Day card:
Damn, you must be HUERTin’ for some love. Why not just Google some dank V-day cards with pictures of Turgeon on it to send to that guy who just so happens to be a Turgeonite? That’d be the best idea you’ve had since you first came to Maryland. Anyway, they’re super sappy and dorky, so if that’s your route, definitely take it.

6.) Use a Terrible Pickup Line:
Ah, the classics. There’s no better way to really drive the point that you’re trying to get together home then to just use an intentionally bad pickup line. For instance, “Damn, are you a mushroom? Because you look tasty, but smell like shit” might get a great laugh or get you blocked. Regardless, you have to risk it for the biscuit, so go for it. Even say, “Damn, is your name Chris? Because holy Chris-t you should sit on me.” I don’t know man, just say something.

5.) Ask About Their Dad:
It may seem like a bad idea, but give it a try! You’re either going to immediately get personal with them (which could lead to lovin’) or you’ll gain more useful knowledge about father figures for your midterm paper. Just imagine asking what their dad is like. You might even want to meet that dad!

4.) Send Testudo’s Head to Where They Live:
This one isn’t much of a DM slide as it is a case of creative and obsessive. Use every resource that the TV show Catfish uses to find their address, retrieve a really sharp or durable object effective enough to cut into metal, walk over to the McKeldin Testudo and cut that moTHERF*CKER’S HEAD CLEAN OFF. DO IT. SEND IT TO YOUR OBSESSION AND THEY WILL LOVE IT.

3.) Compliment Their Tailgate Pics On The Gram:
Literally every Terp has a picture of them at a tailgate somewhere on Instagram. More lady Terps have tailgate fit pics on their timeline, but even dude Terps have fit pics on their feed every now and then. Go ahead, ask them where they set up and maybe see if they would want to tailgate with you next season. You never know, they may have a pretty dope tailgate.

2.) Tell Them Wally Loh is Your Father:
Regardless of who you are, President Wallace Loh is daddy as fuck. In your case, L’il Loh is actually your real life father. That DM slide should include a picture of you and your father (Wallace Loh) and make sure to really state that your dad is the president of the university over and over again. Just get the point across that you and Wally are related and your crush will automatically send you their location to commence in lovemaking.

1.) Just Ask Them To Be Your F***ing Valentine:
C’mon, just get to the point. No cookie cutter bullshit or any beating around the bush. Just tell them you’re interested in them and you really would like to take them out on a date. Chivalry isn’t dead and neither are your dreams, dude. Go chase ‘em and get that V-Day lovin’.

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