We’ve all grown accustomed to the sight of our beloved mascot. No student at UMD is fazed by the presence of Testudo statues, no matter where they look. Take a moment and close your eyes, rewinding that home-movie in your head back to the first time you visited. Maybe then you’ll see why these UMD outsiders have such visceral reactions, expressing the 6 basic human emotions over the course of their visit.
“Aren’t turtles slow? They kind of just sit there… Are you really sure this is the mascot you want to use to convince students to come here for college?” Questions like these fly through the air during Images tours. Luckily, Images tour guides are trained in maintaining their perky, incessant smiles, spewing off the highlights of UMD sports and Testudo history.
Slow and steady wins the race! Obviously UMD has made a great choice. Who cares if in the beginning of it all we’re left in the dust? All that counts are those final few seconds, when we’re going to crush the opposition. Maybe. Theoretically, we could, if our teams were any good.
Teeth chattering and bones trembling yet? Those are the signs that you’ve internalized what it means to be a Terp. The Maryland fight song resonates within you, until you can’t hear anything else above the roar of the crowd screaming at the tops of their lungs in Byrd Stadium. That fear is what drives us Terps onwards and upwards, carrying Testudo on our shoulders.
You’ve been walking around the land of the Terp all day, and can’t help but express your disappointment at the sheer amount of turtles displayed on campus. Is this a college or a Testudo shrine? The constant stream of people pausing to rub that worn down bronze nose makes you suspicious.
“Damn all these turtles! The football team here can’t do anything right!” Dear visitor, we feel you. We do. Football is a touchy subject that riles up even the most faithful Terp. It’s become a matter of pride to bash on the football team’s lack of successes. Join the angry hordes at games.
The least UMD could do is put some more variety around. Let’s have Testudo looking different, or make veiled references to him instead of blatantly hanging up the same picture of him in front of McKeldin all over this huge campus. Get with the program UMD. We’ve had enough of this profusion of Testudos!
As the visitors file back to their cars, nearby Terps can be heard to breathe a sigh of relief. Will these outsiders never learn? You can’t be a Terp without the abundance of Testudos.