It’s a tough time to be a pothead at UMD. Ever since marijuana became legal in D.C., smoking Terps have had to deal with the knowledge that sweet, sweet freedom is a quick Metro ride away, while on campus they have to skulk in the shadows. Out of compassion for all suffering smokers, The Black Sheep has identified the best and worst places to light up on campus.
Dorms: No Place Like Home
Dirty socks, used tampons, Diner leftovers, tearstained bedding, and vodka-laced vomit–there’s nothing like that unique bouquet of Dorm Fragrance, wafting through the cinderblock hallways. The silver lining to this olfactory assault is that it covers up the smell of weed pretty well. Even better, you’re guaranteed to find at least one other homie who’s willing to light up. You may even meet your future dealer down the hall! Dorm sweet dorm.
The Clarice: Cut It Out, Too Classy
The Performing Arts center is possibly the nicest building on campus. Shiny, clean, and fancy enough to trick visitors into thinking that they’re not in Dumb College Kid Land, this is NOT the right place to light up. While approximately 76.9% of its students enjoy toking, they’re all smart enough to do it in the privacy of their thespian homes.
Outside McKeldin: Pothead Paradise
This awkward patch of grass between McKeldin and the bike racks is quite literally the perfect smokescreen. Well known as the only 25 square feet on campus where it’s legally and socially acceptable to enjoy a quick cigarette, potheads blend in quite well. There’s nothing like passing your joint off as a cancer stick.
Plant Sciences Building: Pretty Please Tell Us You’re Joking
Plant. Sciences. Do we really have to say anything more? This is where people become experts on all things green. Short of dialling the campus police and shouting “ARREST ME I HAVE WEED,” we’re scratching our heads thinking of a worse place to light up.
Hornbake Library: Hello, Holy Heaven
No one actually goes to Hornbake on purpose–it’s kind of like the neglected younger sibling to McKeldin. Empty, echoing, and under faculty radar, it’s the perfect haven for illicit activity. Hell, you could get away with a full-blown orgy in there. Even better, it’s close to Stamp. Got the munchies? Just run over to the food court and grab some Chick-fil-A.
Eppley: Abandon Hope All Ye Who Smoke Here
The gym’s intimidating enough when you’re there to actually work out. But when you want to light up? Run, Forrest, run. President Loh comes here so often that half the student body has taken selfies with him in the gym. Though it would be pretty entertaining to slip some weed into the smoothie machine–healthier than brownies and just as effective.