According to a super scientific Facebook poll, approximately 37% of a group of randomly selected UMD students have indicated that at some point in their college career, they broke the sacred UMD honor pledge. Now this knowledge should come as a surprise to everyone (that has literally never stepped foot into any school). The Black Sheep has decided to interview a few UMD students and ask how they have broken the honor pledge.
“We have an honor pledge?” asked Kathy Smith, a sophomore business major. “I thought it was like, you know, prisoner rules here.”
We asked Kathy to elaborate on this. “You know, snitches get stitches,” she said. “Or at least something that sounds like a rhyme made up in middle school.”
When asked who would ever enforce the policy of ‘snitches get stitches,’ Kathy was unsure. “Well, I don’t know… DOTS maybe. They’re the only ones who ever do anything here anyway.”
Other students are aware of the honor code, but find their way around it, even if it seems a little out there.
“I have a fool-proof loophole around the honor pledge,” said Greg Jones, a super-super senior mathematics major. “Just don’t sign the pledge; you can’t break something you never promised,” he said, tapping his index finger against his temple.
We asked Greg to expand on the results of this idea. “Well, most of the time they don’t grade my tests, but you know, they’re just haters ‘cuz they’ve graded too many of my tests over the years,” he said.
We asked to look at a copy of Greg’s transcript, and his story is consistent with the fact he’s retaken every major required class at least three times.
“Well, actually I have a fool-proof plan for any writing assignment,” said Chelsea Roberts, a senior education major. “I speak two languages, so if I ever need a paper, I just find one in my native language and translate to English. I’ve only gotten caught once, and it was just cause the professor was a hard-ass.”
When asked if she would consider this cheating, she replied, “Nah, it’s my words, and, like, I know they’re technically not, but like, they are though.”
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame: