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Straight Fire: Loh Drops A Mixtape To Distract The Student Body From Ongoing Controversies, But It’s Bound To Change The Rap Game Forever

Wallace “Womp Womp” Loh has plans to drop the “baddest mixtape to blow these dang millennials’ minds” to distract from the backlash of University of Maryland controversies, sources close to the president confirmed to The Black Sheep.

When asked why a “fire” mixtape would distract the student body from the university’s glaring errors—Dormgate and Coachgate among them—Loh responded that “those millennials seem to like that Post Melon fellow.”

Our correspondent was allowed by Wally’s assistant’s fiancée to listen to a few tracks off the mixtape, which the correspondent called “a freakin’ game changer.”

The mixtape allegedly paints Loh in a much more sympathetic light, where he addresses his scandals as “problems of circumstance.”

The track list includes the songs, “All Time Loh,” “Never Be LOHnely,” and a cover of Boys 2 Men’s “I’ll Make Love To You,” in which he replaces every “love” in the song with “Loh.”

The mixtape will be released under the title “The Loh Rider,” The Black Sheep has confirmed, and features many “upcoming” Soundcloud rappers, such as Lil Jojo, Lil Julio, Lil Stephen, the artist formerly known as Lil Papa, and Lil Little.

Many of the tracks were produced by Loh himself and his nephew, who has described his skills as “aight on Audacity.”

“When Loh drops the album, it’ll completely change the rap game as we know it,” a source close to Loh said. “Track 7 is so freaking unique. Tell me when the last time you heard a recorder in a hip-hop song, I’ll wait.”

In past weeks, it seems as though Loh can’t escape a constant flood of controversy. 

A recent survey conducted by an anonymous freshman living in a flex quintuple dorm concluded that Wally currently has an approval rating of 30% among the general student body; an approval rating of 1.2% amongst freshman; and an approval rating of 87% amongst “those foreign exchange students that are always decked out in Gucci and shit.”

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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