Homework has a way of interfering with a college student’s true goals in life–partying, joining random clubs because their fliers were the prettiest at the First Look Fair, getting fat from diner food, climbing to the top of Byrd, having sex on The Mall, and making stupid decisions (not that the last two are mutually exclusive.)
Unfortunately, there’s no avoiding those 12-15 credits. You can, however, significantly improve your existence by puffing up your schedule with easy classes! Take the path of least resistance and ensure that your GPA won’t crash and burn like a meteor.
So we’ve compiled a list of classes that are virtually guaranteed to consist of token assignments, skippable lectures, and an overall illusion of actual work.
5.) UNIV100 (The Student in the University) :
Required for freshmen and perkily billed as a guide for adjusting to college life, this class is every slacker’s dream. No exams, no final essays, and, best of all, no actual learning involved! We guarantee this class won’t challenge your mind. Ever.
4.) SPAN103 (Elementary Spanish) :
Yes, the syllabus claims that you’ll spend your time memorizing, conjugating, and, comprehending.
Sounds like a lot of work, doesn’t it? But don’t worry–that’s what Google Translate is for! Or, better yet, make friends with a native speaker and pay them to do the work for you.
3.) MATH140 (Calculus I) :
It’s a well-known fact that approximately 59% of calculus students don’t understand what’s going on in class. Roughly 45% of the clueless actually care about their GPA, and 80% of the grade-conscious have committed larceny at some point in their lives.
In sum–odds are good that anywhere from 1-15 people in your class of five hundred will have both means and motive to sabotage the exam.
So don’t bother to actually study for the exam (let’s face it, even if you tried there’s no way you’d pass.) Just sit back and take comfort in the likely event that one of your classmates will slack, panic, and steal the final exams from the professor’s office before they get graded, thus saving the entire class’s collective bacon.
2.) PSYC100 (Introduction to Psychology) :
Let’s face it, psychology is a major religion; it teaches us to be better people, many dismiss it as touchy-feely babble, and its members closely follow the tenets of a mysterious, bearded deity.
So as with any major religion, all you have to do to succeed is imbibe its core beliefs and regurgitate them in a suitably dignified manner. Throw around the words “id,” “superego,” “Freudian,” and “frontal lobe” on your exam paper and you’ll probably get an A.
1.) ENGL243 (What is Poetry?) :
For starters, the name of this class is literally a question–if the professor doesn’t know what poetry is, then chances are they won’t expect you to figure it out, either.
Still, you might as well go through the motions. Nod deeply and look impressed every time your professor says the names “Frost” or “Shakespeare.” Pretend that every syllable you read in class deeply moves you.
As for writing actual poems? Don’t worry, no actual skill or creativity involved! Find a random word generator online, copy and paste it onto a Word doc, and call it a modernist approach (Trust us, it’ll work–that’s how the majority of The Black Sheep’s staff writes their articles.)
Fill your schedule up with gems like these and that pesky GPA will rise of its own accord! With that load off your mind, direct your energy towards the most fulfilling parts of your life, like watching Netflix and getting to Cluckers before they run out of pot pies.
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