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A Terps’ Guide to Studying for Finals Like the Slacker You Are

Maybe you’re a freshman here at UMD, and you’re about to shit your pants over your first college final exams (because you just HAVE to pass those gateway courses), or maybe you’re a junior skating on the edge of academic probation, or maybe you’re a super senior who just wants to get the fuck out of college. Whatever your reason for needing them, The Black Sheep has compiled a list of the best study techniques so that you, too, can survive finals week:


5.) Start studying early:

Some say there’s no time like the present to start working towards your academic goals. Those people are the nerds who live in McKeldin all week. In reality, you’ve got a week or two before you even need to start worrying. Right now, go out with the friends you won’t see for a month over winter break. The only early studying you need to do is early in the morning on the day of the exam. You’ll experience an intense panic, giving you all the energy you need to pass!


4.) Ask your teachers and TAs lots of questions:

Look, it’s the end of the semester: you’re not learning anything new. Now is the perfect time to ask them all of those burning questions that you’ve had kicking around in your mind since the first day of classes. You know you want to get that TA’s number, and you know that your professor will gladly spend an entire class showing you pictures of their puppy. They’re not going to mind one bit! After all, they hate review sessions just as much as the rest of us.


3.) Stay focused…:

…on watching the latest season of your favorite show on Netflix. You just have to know what happens, so what’s the harm in spending the night before your final binge-watching Mike and Molly? Also, isn’t it weird how you suddenly want to take on that massive pile of laundry that’s sitting on your bed when you’re only one page into the study guide? Now’s the perfect time to do all the things you never had time for when you were busy with class every day.


2.) Take care of yourself, however you can:

Honestly, who has time to go up to the health center? Better yet, who wants to walk up that hill by Stamp to get there? You might be coughing up a lung in your room, but going outside in the cold could just make it worse. And don’t forget about eating healthy. What’s going to taste better when it’s 2 a.m. and you can’t remember the last time you ate, a limp salad or some chicken bacon ranch pizza from Slices? More calories equals more energy to study. Right, chem majors?


1.) Get plenty of sleep:

Just fucking sleep through all of the reading period. Seriously, do it. You’re never going to pass your exams if you’re not well-rested. Take naps often, and make them as long as possible. Start your nap at 2 p.m. and wake up at 11 a.m. the next morning. Finished a page of reading? Good, you deserve a nap. Got up and changed your clothes? Congratulations, you should reward yourself with a nap. Didn’t die in your sleep? Hop right back in that bed, buddy boy.


Good luck, Terps, and study hard. If all else fails, rub Testudo’s nose for that little bit of extra luck. That’ll definitely make a difference.

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