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The Worst Places to Get Dumped at UMD

 

It’s February, and you know what that means: flowers, chocolates, and getting laid. Or, if you’re not so lucky: Netflix bingeing, cheap alcohol to drink alone, and more than a few tears streaming down your face. In honor of the month of love and/or heartbreak, The Black Sheep decided to make a list of the worst places to get broken up with on campus

 

4.) The 7th Floor of McKeldin:
What kind of monster would break up with someone in a library on the quietest and scariest floor? If you get dumped on the 7th floor of McKeldin, it’ll probably be through text messages, and your former significant other needs to man (or woman) up. You know, there’s an unwritten rule that no sound is ever supposed to be heard on the 7th floor. You’ll be breaking that rule when you start wailing uncontrollably and, in an attempt to get away from your former lover, begin sprinting through the stacks, leaving piles of damaged books in your wake.

 

3.) By the Dish Rack at the North Campus Diner:
You’re a real asshole if you dump someone in public, in front of possibly hundreds of people. So much for drama-free, you jerk. If this happened to you, it’s more likely than not that you would gasp loudly in shock and drop all of your dishes to the floor, which would cause a loud crash. Which would cause the entire diner to stop, look at you two, and applaud, not knowing that someone just got dumped. Way to go to your former significant other. Really, great job.

 

2.) Your 300 Person Lecture Hall:
Aw, how sweet. You and your significant other had a gen-ed class together. Obviously you sit next to each other and play iMessage games the whole time, because who pays attention in lectures anyway? Plus, who would ever break up with you during class, right? Wrong. After the break-up, you have every right to stand up, throw all of your stuff at your now ex, and storm out of the room weeping. If this happens to you, try to do everyone else a favor and make as much of a scene as possible, so that maybe your professor will finally stop droning about whatever for just a brief moment.

 

1.) The Cambridge Bus Stop on Thursday or Friday Night:
If you get dumped by someone here, you’re probably a freshman waiting on a bus to go down to an extremely overrated frat party, and your significant other has probably been waiting to do this for a while. Once again, breaking up in public makes them an asshole. But on the other side of things, don’t be surprised if the person you just broke up with tries to push you in front of an oncoming bus [Not a recommendation – Ed.]. This could also be filed under ‘Most Dangerous Places to Break Up at UMD.’

 

The Black Sheep sincerely hopes that you don’t get broken up with this February, but, if you do, we hope that it’s not at any of these places. Regardless, you can do way better, so put on your best and get back out there, champ (Unless you need to down a few pints of ice cream first. In which case, you do you.)

 

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