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The 5 Best Places to Cry During Finals at Maryland

 Finals are coming up, and the last week of classes are always filled with papers and projects that you sure as shit have not started. All this stress definitely leads to a few tears and that’s fine! But make sure you accept them and embrace them. Don’t hide your tears; just let ‘em rip! Although, to be fair, we know nothing about you. Maybe you’re the worst and everyone knows you deserve the L’s that have been handed to you. Either way, here are the best places for you to cry around campus this finals season:

5.) Testudo:

There are two things you can do with a face full of tears: praise our savior Testudo and ask him for forgiveness. Instead of leaving him random offerings to boost your GPA, offer him your sadness, wailing, and remorse. Testudo is more than willing to take your tears and maybe throw you a few points solely off of you degrading yourself in front of him, you sad, pitiful fool.

4.) The ODK Fountain:

Cry me a river? More like cry me a fountain, am I right?! No? Well, anyway, what better place to cry your life away and disguise it as fountain water than in the ODK fountain? Go ahead, take a dip in there and tell me you don’t wanna float your problems away. If it’s really bad, stick your head under the water and breathe your tears in. We promise it’ll all go away… (Please don’t really do that.)

3.) McKeldin Study Carrels:

You’ve gotta love the study carrels. They’re so isolated and so intimate. You might as well get a good cry in there while you’re studying, especially when you know damn right well you have several more hours to go. If anyone somehow sees you bawling your eyes out in there, they’re sure to understand. Who knows? They might even join in. That’s the makings for one hell of a pity party, if we do say so ourselves.

2.) Point of Failure:

 

Just give in and accept the fact that you’re never going to pass by crying on the Point of Failure. Lay, sit, stand, or plank your way into terrible fortune and despair. Go ahead, call your parents and tell them that Grandpa was right about you, and you should’ve went into the Army instead of “thinkin’ yer a big shot” by studying bio-chem. It’s ok, we understand.

1.) The Chapel:

 

If Testudo didn’t want to receive your tears, maybe Jesus will. Make your way over to South Campus and, if you can’t make it into the building, at least let that face water fly all over the steps. Maybe if some congregants notice, they’ll take you in and claim you as one of their own, like a little baby bird. Be warned though, you may have to change your name or have an alias. We heard “Jesus Christ” was already taken though.

Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame:

 

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