In a shocking turn of events, the UMD Bookstore will begin taking on a controversial new venture. After years of selling clothing and knick-knacks with Testudo as the headlining logo, the school mascot will start to be printed onto a new line of sex toys in the back section of the store where the children’s section once stood.
Although a shock to some, the move has been planned for months as a way to appeal to sexually active college students. By adding Testudo’s face onto items like anal beads, dildos, butt plugs and other sex toys, sexually active people can not only sexually express themselves but also express school pride at the same time.
“I’d let Testudo fuck me,” an anonymous student told The Black Sheep. “If there’s any chance to even relatively have Testudo inside of me, I’ll take it. And oh believe me, I’ll take it if you know what I mean.”
The anonymous student offered no further comment.
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The Black Sheep also spoke with an anonymous representative of the Bookstore to gain further insight on what inspired the recent addition to their inventory.
“We felt the need to take over a market that had not been explored yet and it adds a new attraction that should bring everyone to the bookstore,” they said. “Who knows? Maybe someone will enter a sexual era of their life and really start exploring their sexuality or something, I don’t know.”
There is no scheduled release for the sex toy section and no further information on the section. Details to follow as they arrive.
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