Are you tired of being a well-liked member of the Miami community? So are we. If you ever feel like people just don’t hate you enough, here’s 20 ways to genuinely piss people off, Redhawk style.
1.) Drive in the bike lane.
2.) Walk in the bike lane.
3.) Ride your bike on the sidewalk.
4.) Go up to the campus group sitting at the tables in Armstrong, act really interested, grab all of the candy and run away before they can being to convince you to join their student organization.
5.) Create a human wall with your friends while walking on the sidewalk so no one can get by.
6.) Go up to every person in cargo shorts, point to his pockets and ask what he’s hiding in there.
7.) Stand behind someone checking out in Emporium and ask them “do you really want to eat that?” Then, just walk away.
8.) Say hi to someone, while focusing your eye contact past them, then look angry when they get confused and don’t say anything.
9.) Hit the handicap button on the King Café Door and stand there triumphantly until the door opens completely.
10.) Yell “FOUR” every time order number four comes up at Main Street (you know who you are…).
11.) Pull the old “Chat and Cut” in Brick Street (for reference).
12.) Buy a perfectly good Crunch and Munch, take a bite then drop it somewhere on campus.
13.) If you think someone might be a freshman, go up to them and find out.
14.) Hop on the bus and ask the bus driver about the location of every stop on the route, regardless of who’s behind you.
15.) Stand at a cross walk, wait until you are the very last person to cross in front of a car and go just as you think they’re about to rev their engine (because why should they be in a hurry if you’re not?).
16.) Have a picnic on the seal in front of the tour groups.
17.) Go on Canvas and message every person in your class INDIVIDUALLY asking them about the assignment (or maybe just a question, who doesn’t love getting asked about their favorite ice cream flavor?).
18.) Play the “Penis” game… by yourself.
19.) Go to BEST library and use your laptop at a desktop computer.
20.) Walk into King drunk at 2 a.m. and dance… after all, if the kids cramming for their 8:30 exam can’t make it to Brick, why not bring Brick to them (bonus points if you make it up to the third floor)?
With winter around the corner and people on the verge of delving into a deep, dark bout of SAD, now’s the time to kick up some dirt in your classmates emotional lexicon. Make ’em feel something before we all go numb, both from winter and because it gets dark at, like, noon.