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Best Places to Have Sex on Miami’s Campus


The only thing that rages stronger than a college kid on a Friday night is a college kid’s hormones — all the time. We all have to get it out of our systems, but sometimes the roommate or the paper-thin walls get in the way. The Black Sheep has back-ups for every occasion for ya!


Safe Places for a Beginner:




It’s like Miami emptied it out specifically for the purpose for drunks to publically do the dirty after stumbling home from Brick. This is the lowest risk spot to get caught, so if you’re bangin’ in public for the thrill, then maybe move on.


Any dorm bathroom:
Need a secure place away from the roommate to get it on? Nothing says romance like the stench of fresh feces. The cold porcelain may not be ideal but the shower in Stonebridge certainly is or the constant of availability of the family (no, not orgy, you weirdo) stalls in Armstrong.


Fantasy Locations:




Upham Arch:
Average couples may go to seal their fate under the arch with a petty kiss, but nothing says forever like a passionate dry-humping-leading-to-actual-humping under the Arch.


Yager Stadium:
Looking for a place to have sex and not get caught? Yager Stadium on game day is the perfect place! That being said, nothing beats scoring under the lights when no one’s around at night. Well Janitor Gary is around, but he doesn’t care much. Not much at all…


Definitely a fantasy. We’re all familiar with stressful times in this building, so it’s time for a better connotation. Try to keep quiet late at night between the bookshelves or go for a quickie in the elevator.


Get Down ‘n Dirty:




Fountain Outside of Shriver:
If a giant toilet in the middle of campus isn’t a turn off for you, we have the location for you. Honestly, the water is a perfect depth for sex, and there’s always condoms floating in it if you forgot one.


Brick Dance Floor:
Ever see a guy get really into dancing with a girl and then notice his pants are around his ankles, then notice him sleepily curl up in the bathroom for a quick nap? We’ve all heard legends of this happening, and that legend could be you.


Booth at Pulley:
Hungry and horny? Here’s the spot for you! Those comfy red cushions could be erotic, just keep an eye out for the cops doing their rounds.





Laundry Rooms:
Looking to get more BANG for your buck? Just toss in your dirty laundry and go for a ride too! We suggest this spot in low traffic times — our experiences show 1 in 6 people are cool with you sitting naked on the drier they’re using.


On the Seal:
This is for you daredevils, you sexual deviants. That beings said t’d be quite the downer to fail an exam at the health center for doin’ the ol’ Hanging Platypus on the Seal… let’s just hope you fail the pregnancy test as well.


Amphitheater on Western:
Have you ever been having sex and thought to yourself, “I wish the acoustics were better?” This could be quite the romantic spot with a blanket, a few candles, and the sounds of animals mating around as well. Talk about one with nature.

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