No matter where you go, there will always be an unspoken set of rules that everyone just knows. At Miami, there seems to be a lot of these rules. But what happens when someone decides to go against the grain and test the limits? We, at The Black Sheep, decided to find out, while hilariously humiliating ourselves in the process.
Dress Up for Class.
Upon first touring Miami’s campus, the class(y) outfits are something potential freshmen notice right off the bat. Here at the prestigious “J. Crew U,” students in Vineyard Vines, sundresses, and Ray Bans populate the sidewalks like it’s some kind of preppy parade. As you can imagine, donning a full on groutfit, complete with a beanie and ratty sneakers, did not garner the kind of attention that one would call “positive.”
Rise up, Redhawks.
Don’t Do Random Crap on the Seal
We’ve all heard it a million times- don’t step on it. But no one talks about eating lunch on the seal, or taking a nap on the seal, or rolling around on the seal. So at the risk of failing every last one of my goddamn finals, I went to do all of those things. But when I got there, my sanity kicked in and I decided there was no way I was risking that, myth or not.
Don’t Be Weird on Tinder.
I didn’t know Tinder was still a thing. Apparently it is. Also apparently you’re not supposed to make uncomfortable comments while conversing with matches on the app. Lol whoops.
Keep To Yourself
The sun is shining, the birds are singing, you’re walking to your class and… someone you don’t know starts chatting you up? Yeah right, that never happens. Well for about 10 lucky students the other day, it did. I struck up conversation with the few random passersby who weren’t eyeballs-deep in text conversations, and the reactions were hilarious. Most of them actually pretended like they knew who I was, a few of them smiled uncomfortably, kind of like they had to go to the bathroom really bad, and one of them actually stopped and asked where he knew me from. Unfortunately, I am a horrible liar and only managed to get out “uhh…math class.” Before fast-walking away. Full disclosure: I’ve never taken a math class here.
Whatever You Do, Don’t Ride a Razr Scooter to Class.
Guess who rode a Razr scooter to class. Yup, me.
Please Dear God Don’t Wear A Lanyard
Ah, freshman move to end all freshman moves. Keep your ID in your backpack, wallet, pocket, literally anywhere but around your neck. It’s almost as bad as wearing cargo shorts. Yet as tacky and embarrassing they are, I have to admit they make things a lot easier. I didn’t have to look for my ID once that day, which was a liberating feeling, to say the least.
Be Quiet in King 3rd Floor.
By far the most daunting of all the unspoken rules, talking loudly in the 3rd floor of King also proved to be the most difficult. Speaking at a normal volume garnered no attention from the surrounding studiers, so I decided to kick it up a notch, while also trying to limit annoying people to only a few minutes. Wanna know what really catches people off guard? Having a conversation with your neighbor while speaking in a Batman voice.
Pregame Like a Normal Human
Everyone has their own style of pregame music; whether it be trap, country, pop, or a combo of all 3. You do you. But what no one ever explicitly says is that you probably shouldn’t pregame with Beethoven’s “Symphony No. 5” blasting at 85 decibels. People will stare, and the RA will knock on your door and ask you what the hell you’re doing. Trust me.
In conclusion: probably don’t do any of these things. Unless you actually want to, then by all means, do you! If you don’t like to walk to class, ride a scooter. If you lose your ID a lot, wear a lanyard. If classical music is your jam, rock out to it. And when people stare, you just stare right back.