We all may go to the same school, but the actions and interworking of a of a Miami boy and girl brain seem to vary quite drastically. We tried to unveil these thoughts for you, as the male and female brains navigate this campus from morning to… morning.
Boy: *deep in REM*
Girl: *Alarm goes off* What the hell was I thinking? Do I want to show up so early that I’m in the class that takes place BEFORE mine? Plus I have my outfit mentally picked out already and I can still shower and look cute today. *pounds snooze*
B: *Rolls over in sleep*
G: *3 snoozes later* Dry shampoo will do, just a swipe of mascara. A granola bar should do just fine for breakfast.
B: *First alarm goes off and hits snooze*
G: *looks in mirror* OMG I NEED makeup… food will have to wait for the good of the WORLD. OMG WHERE are my clothes I strategically prepared? Leggings and sorority shirt it is… again.
B: *Notices crotch* Top of the morning to you, big guy. Time for a coffee and a shit.
G: NO GRANOLA BARS?! I’ll just eat after class…
B: *Looks through laundry for underwear, smells, nods in “this’ll do” approval, strolls to class*
G: On way to class — Ooo I know that girl… time to look at my phone intensely and ignore them…
B: Does Bagel and Deli deliver this early?
G: I should get a Farmer salad…
B: Bagel and Deli doesn’t deliver this early? At least I got my main man Jimmy John.
G: Well I am making up for breakfast and lunch so I guess I can splurge… Can I get a whole pizza at Sundial??? Oooo and it’s Pumpkin Spice season…VENTI!
B: *moseys around apartment* Hey, roommate is gone… *fap, fap, fap, fap*
G: Maybe I should get ahead on homework… *sets book in front of her and texts*
G: Sitting in class — OMG this is so booring… I HAVE to online shop to stay awake… and sane.
B: Hmmm looks like I got ramen. Ramen it is.
G: Okay this time I’m going to do this meal right. Salad it is…
B: “Bros, want to play COD? Hell yeah.”
G: Well that salad was delicious. And light… I’ll just have a small pasta to curb the remaining appetite…
G: OMG I’m so bloated. No one’s going to buy the PREGNANT looking girl drinks at the bar tonight…
G: Welp, time to get prepped for tonight
B: *COD, checks phone to see if chicks text, no texts*
G: The showers are STILL full???
B: *COD, still no texts*
G: *Sees other girls around already ready and pregaming, furiously cakes on makeup*
G: “Does this look okay guys?? Do I look fat? Is it too MUCH?”
B: “You guys want to go uptown tonight?”
G: “Wait, guys, 20 more minutes, let me finish this drink!”
10:30 p.m. (at Brick Street):
B: Damn she is fiiiiiiine. Maybe if I buy her a drink she’ll talk to me… just need to make some eye contact first…
G: Why is that dude staring at me?
B: Plans ironic pick up line, “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” but says “It looks like you fell…*awkward silence*… from heaven?”
G: “Is English your first language?”
B: Alright I bought this girl like five drinks… she’s definitely going back with me…
G: “Nice meeting you!! Thanks for the drinks!”
B: At least Bagel and Deli is open now…
G: *Makes it home and looks through the evening photos for a salvageable Instagram picture*
B: *fap, fap, fap, fap”
G: *Considers Instagram caption until gives up*