So you’re a freshman, a sophomore, or, god forbid, you’re a junior and you haven’t picked a major yet. Yeah, you’ve heard the stereotypes, marketing majors are the joke of Farmer, the Ed majors are in it for the MRS, and the engineering majors are virgins. But you still can’t decide. So, try using this little cheat sheet The Black Sheep came up with and see how each major acts on High Street, and thus which one you should choose.
The International Studies Major:
This guy has a wealth of knowledge. Armed with the ability to analyze the world through five different lenses (geography, history, economy, anthropology, and politics), he’s ready for anything… or so he thinks. He tries to smooth talk his way past the bouncer (an Italian major), but since he’s only needed 12 credits at the three hundred level, his Italian was not up to par and he is, thus, turned away.
The Italian Major:
He’s incredibly happy that the international studies major used Italian to convince him that his fake was real, because for once, he finally got to use his major for something productive. He misses Italy 🙁 and will talk to you about that. A lot.
The Chemistry Majors:
These bartenders are in their prime. They’re just happy to be mixing things that don’t require writing a lab report afterwards. Boss tells them the night ends at 3 a.m., but they know that the night really ends when one of them takes too many “shift drinks” and tries to light whiskey on fire.
The Art Major:
Smoking pot in the bathroom for a quick burst of creativity before heading back to the studio. They liked pot before it was cool, so they’re taking hits alone… except maybe the psych major that smokes enough to talk abstract art on their level.
The Finance Major:
In the way of all aspiring investment bankers before him, he’s snorting god knows what in the next stall over. After all, he has 150 more business models to finish before his 8:30.
The General Business Major:
He’s busy running between the art majors and the finance guy. He may not know a thing about drugs, but this guy can sell. He’s determined to keep their customers happy, but he doesn’t have long, she has to make a pit stop on Western to coordinate a smoke session with a group of freshmen that haven’t found “their guy” for all their illegal substance needs.
The English Majors:
When they’re not being asked what they’ll do after they graduate, they’re the life of the party. They always ask for Bellini’s because that’s what Hemmingway would do, but when they’re told that champagne is not available at any Oxford bars, they’re down for just about anything.
The Anthropology Major:
She’s trying to convince the engineering major to socialize. She studies people, so she knows just what to tell him to say. When he leaves, she turns her concern to the philosophy major, who’s so confused by metaphysics that he’s resolved to taking shots of Jack… from the bottle.
The Early Childhood Education Majors:
The moms of the group. They need practice taking care of children anyways; drunk people after a night at Brick are basically the same thing. Thanks Ma.
Luckily just up High Street are the bars where all the majors come together and do what they do best — booze. If you can’t find your niche in a High Street bar then maybe you should be a comm major. That’s basically being undecided, and somehow easier!