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Miami Hacks: The Good, the Bad, and the Crazy

After sticking around Miami for a while you know better than to blatantly break the rules, rather you learn to just bend them. Arranged in order of comfort zones, see how capable you are at hacking Miami’s campus.


Level 1: It’s Not Really Stealing…
Rumor has it that Miami students pay a decent chunk of change for stolen goods each semester. Plastic silverware is the gateway steal at Miami. You start with a handful of forks and pretty soon you’re walking out with an oven from Shriver. It’s not like they’re getting any use anyway. But seriously, don’t be ashamed to pocket a spoon, fork, and full set of plates here and there. Lunch trays as sleds are always a must! Just know that the ones in Harris are tested and approved the sturdiest.


Level 2: Individual Bathrooms

Pure privacy is a luxury in college. “Turn Down for What” blaring in Armstrong is not necessarily the ambiance you’re looking for during your study session. So check into a private stall and crank away. Release a grunt here and there just so people don’t get too concerned that you’ve fallen asleep/died.


Level 3: Season Tickets

It’s advertised that tickets are free for sporting events for students at Miami University. When actually a portion of our tuition is categorized as “other” (wherein hundreds of dollars go to pay for our tickets). So people exchange fakes for bar entrance, why not rent out student I.D.s at the gates to non-Miami students attending our games? It’s essentially equivalent to other schools selling tickets to games they can’t attend, right?


Level 6: Beyond Comfort Zone 

Did your roommate decide to bring some random back from the bars and you’re out of a room for the night? Have no fear, you and your roomie could simultaneously be up for a disease if you toss a few pillows in the empty bathtub in the dorm and kick it there for the evening. Problem solved.


Level 4: Harass the Hodge
Every morning, President Hodge goes on a run and Miami students are welcome to join if you meet him at his house. Can’t get that club idea to pass through? Not getting as big as a scholarship as you think you deserve? Wouldn’t this be the ideal time to take it up with the top dog? You can run Hodge, but you can’t hide.


Level 5: Balcony Parties


The balconies above doors in some dorms are definitely not foreign to the female community as tanning hot spots. But why can’t these service as more? Throw a risky party up there or fill these areas with water (they do have sides) for a chill dip after classes.

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