Starting at the buttcrack of 1:31 a.m. Thursday morning, all the students on this campus will don punny t-shirts, shirk all forms of responsibility for the day, and crak the heartiest breakfast of March: An Irish Car Bomb. It’s incredible, and since we at The Black Sheep have already brought you the 6 DON’Ts of Green Beer Day, we’ve decided to put together a list the 6 Dos, to help you successfully conquer this day of green beer.
DO: Wake up early.
You’ll regret it if you don’t. To start drinking at 2:30a.m. is something you won’t experience as much as you would like in your lifetime (or opposite, you know, if things take a turn for the worse). When your roommate pulls your covers off you at 1:30 and your friends bang on your door to get you up, get up. Chug a Red Bull. Listen to “Trap Queen” at full volume. Start drinking.
Napping is vital on Green Beer Day. We are definitely telling you to wake up and drink early, but we aren’t telling you to not take a break. Rallying is an art form. Find your deepest motivation to get up and be productive (by productive we mean drink more), if you’re still drunk or already starting to feel hungover, you don’t want to miss out on the afternoon. Nap like the drunk, little baby you are.
DO: Implement the buddy system.
You should make no promises on Green Beer Day besides to yourself and to your sobriety (and lack thereof). But you still shouldn’t try to take on Oxford alone when the cops are out to play. So whether it’s your roommate, best friend, or dog you find chained up outside a store, try not to travel alone.
DO: Wear a Green Beer Day shirt.
No matter where you get it from – your ex, your mom, or a dog you found chained up outside a store – you’re going to want to have a memento of all the shenanigans you and your friends got into. Even if you don’t remember the specifics of said shenanigans, you’ll know they took place by the stains on your “Just Drink It” shirt.
DO: Scrub your tongue.
Class happens on Green Beer Day, believe it or not. And most of all of your teachers will want you to be sober, or at least pretending to be, when you show up. Scrubbing your tongue before going into class will at least make it look like you weren’t taking Jell-O shots and doing green beer cup races three hours prior to class.
DO: Go all over.
Anywhere and everywhere. Oxford is your oyster and green beer is the pearl — the pearl that’s everywhere. Indulge in the fact that we’re all coming together in the love of one common thing: getting really drunk.
With all this in mind, we hope we have given you help in planning your day in the best way possible, and by best way possible, how you’ll get as drunk as possible. In the end, The Black Sheep just wants to see everyone have an incredible Green Beer Day. So throw one back and take on the town. Happy St. Patty’s!