With so much variety to choose from, the thought of petty theft has crossed the mind of about every MSU student that has ever entered Brody Square. The dilemma we’ve all faced at one point or another is when to walk out, because once you do, that swipe is gone forever. For those quitters out there, do not fret, for these are the best souvenirs to put in your backpack if you’re still not satisfied after three entrees:
10.) Golden Grahams:
Thought to be extinct, this forgotten cereal is sandwiched right in between the Raisin Bran and Cocoa Puffs. The front pocket of a backpack fits perfectly under the cereal nozzle and if moisture resistant, can handle about a half gallon of 2% milk as well.
9.) Spicy Tuna Sushi:
Who cares if MSU is 800 miles from the Atlantic? The place to eat raw tuna is at a university cafeteria. The sushi craze is in full force right now, and with the right scalping skills, a roll could probably sell for more than a football ticket.
The giant, boiling pot of nacho cheese located next to Cayenne’s is prime for taking. A water bottle is ideal for holding this orange gooeyness as long as it can handle boiling hot artificial lava.
7.) Wine from the pasta bar:
Only the stealthiest caf-goers can pull this one off. There’s always a squirt bottle of white wine located behind the pasta station for maximum flavor purposes. Get caught and you’re looking at an M.I.P. on top of the shame of stealing booze from a cafeteria.
6.) Ranch Dressing:
Perhaps the most multifunctional item available, the use of ranch goes far beyond the world of salad. Sandwiches, pizza, quesadillas- all go hand in hand with this Midwestern treasure.
5.) Superman Ice Cream:
If you’re in the mood for turning your entire digestive system blue, slip the worker behind the dessert bar $20 and have him scoop some of that mystery ice cream right in the bag, no questions asked.
4.) Almond Milk:
If you look close enough, there’s a small refrigerator of gluten-free items next to the breakfast station. So if you enjoy fake milk, these cartons will fit neatly in the large pocket of a standard-size backpack.
Chock-full of preservatives, the assortment of bagels to choose from are the most practical item to steal from the caf. No expiration date is needed for these bad boys.
2.) Mello Yello:
The only sacrifice of being a Coca-Cola affiliated school is having Mello Yello instead of Mountain Dew. If there’s still some room for liquid in your queso water bottle, this neglected soda needs some love.
1.) Someone’s Phone in Line:
If you see a caf worker trying to get the attention of someone on their phone, simply do them a favor: grab that shit and run. These heroes who make our unhealthy meals possible deserve your full, undivided attention when it’s ordering time.
Refer to this list if you feel that inner-klepto coming out; just don’t mention it when you’re on probation for stealing fortune cookies.