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6 Easy Ways to Tell If Your TA Has a Wicked Hangover

Despite what the fake news media would have you believe, TAs are actually people, too. Sure, they made the most irredeemably idiotic and bizarrely masochistic decision of their life when they decided to go to graduate school, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t human! Here are some telltale signs that your TA had a bit too much fun last night and is suffering through a wicked hangover as a result:

6.) They dim the lights at the front of the room:
If your TA decides to turn down the lights a bit before giving their lecture for the day, that’s a big giveaway that their brain is probably fried from a night of debauchery. The lights of a lecture hall might as well be the sun gone supernova to a TA who had one too many Coronas last night. Allow your TA to rest; the darkness comforts them beyond measure.

5.) They opt to communicate by pointing and grunting:
Speaking is a complex process, requiring a delicate interplay between body and mind. Pointing and grunting at things you want is a much simpler, and some would say more effective, means of communication. If your TA is suddenly acting a bit more Cro-Magnon than usual, it’s probably due to all the cheap vodka still soaking their brain from a night spent trying to drink their dissertation into existence.

4.) They skip class and send their evil twin to fill in for them:
This one happens all the time. If your TA sends in their dastardly and devilishly good-looking evil twin to sub for them, you know they must have gotten absolutely wrecked last night. The joy you’ll feel thinking about your TA face-first in a gutter at 2:34 a.m. is almost worth suffering through a class with their twin tyrant of terror.

3.) You could smell them come into the room before you saw them:
A night of heavy drinking tends to lead to less-than-desirable body odors the next day, and trust us, this only gets worse with age. If you almost retched upon getting a whiff of your TAs rank and wretched unholy halitosis, rest assured they drunk-texted all of their exes last night and are currently paying dearly for their sins.

2.) They drunk-emailed the class last night:
Despite your TA seemingly behaving normally in class, if you received a drunken email from them last night, they’re definitely quietly suffering through a debilitating hangover. Contents of the email can vary; maybe they scolded you, maybe they reminded you about an assignment, maybe they just copy-and-pasted the Olive Garden wine selection. The words are meaningless; the timestamp of 4:27 a.m. tells you all you need to know.

1.) They’re literally drunk right now:
Okay, so technically if they’re still drunk in class, they don’t have a wicked hangover yet…but it’s coming. Its energy is building like electricity in the air before a vicious storm. If your TA shows up to teach hammered, be rest assured it may be the last time you see them alive. TAs are old, and no old person can survive that level of inebriation— the hangover will simply be too much to bear. Remember them fondly.

Now that you know your TA is cool, feel free to invite them to go out with you next time. If you get them drunk enough, they may even cancel class!

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