Connect with us
Connect with us

Michigan State

6 Special Treasures Found in Your Laundry After Using the Akers Washing Machine

Whenever you’re using any of the dorm laundry rooms, you’re sure to acquire a knick-knack or two. Crack open your treasure chest, move aside your 12 copies of Minions, and make some room for these trinkets you’ll find while washing your clothes in East’s most beloved dorm.

6.) A pair of headphones:
This is always an ideal find; who doesn’t love a free pair of headphones? Surely the Tide Pod deep-cleaned the medley of ear juices off of them. Pop those puppies in your ear holes and pray to the laundry gods that they’ll still be able to blast your favorite Soundcloud rapper’s latest mixtape – or even Miles Bridges’s mixtape.

5.) Various half-drank 50 ml bottles of Fireball:
Hooray, you no longer have to text your roommate’s cousin’s step-brother’s wife to get you booze for your weekend shenanigans! Keep Poison Control on hold in case the laundry detergent seeped in the bottle, but hopefully that’ll just add to your buzz. Plus, once you’re done, the bottles are the perfect size to line up on top of your mini-fridge.

4.) A tiny replica of the Breslin Center:
If you go to MSU, you’re practically destined to find one of these little guys whilst doing laundry. Most people don’t know this, but you’re not considered a real Spartan unless you carry around a replica of one of the various MSU sporting facilities in your front left pocket at all times. Fake news, you say? Sorry pal, we don’t make the rules.

3.) A used condom:
Spartans Will! This one is definitely a shocker, but not necessarily a negative one. Sure, your laundry is covered in someone else’s daddy sauce, but now you’ll have a fun and quirky DNA sample for your next ISB lab!

2.) 8 thousand Zimbabwean dollars:
Yes! Soggy, crumpled up money – you hit the jackpot! Bitch, you thought. Sorry pal, but this money is virtually worthless tor you unless you’re an African native or going on a study abroad there soon, but even so it’s only like, $22. Perhaps you can use it to invest in some Bitcoin and double your virtually worthless money.

1.) Neat collection of ramen flavor packs:
Who needs a combo when you have freshly washed ramen packets? There’s definitely a God out there, because your laundry ramen is veggie flavored, so you won’t have to break your 8-year-streak of not consuming meat! If you really want to get the most out of your ramen, you’ll make it in the washing machine. It truly gives it a nice zing and pep.

Who knew washing your clothes could be a time of such wonder! Hopefully you have enough space left in your room to put all the new nifty gifties you got from this experience. If not, there’s always the Free and For Sale page to make some money off your laundry finds!

Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame:

Continue Reading

More from Michigan State

To Top