If you’re still applying for internships, stop. That time has ended. Now begins the era of rejection. Yeah, sure, some of you will land the internship of your wildest fantasies, but odds are you probably won’t. You wanted optimism and positivity? Why did you click on an article about internship rejection, then? You knew what you were getting into. Now, let’s get started.
7.) The Dairy Store:
There’s no better place to eat your feelings than in the MSU Dairy Store with a big ol’ scoop of sexquin-secwin-seskin-whatever. Drown your tears in the FDA-unapproved artery clogger and maybe somebody will take pity on you and offer to buy you a grilled cheese. Can’t afford any ice cream? Maybe you shouldn’t have applied to an unpaid internship, kid. Now that you’re rejected, go get a real job at T.J. Maxx or something.
6.) The Quiet Floor of the Main Library:
The arresting silence, the judging stares, and occasional shushes of students working towards actually being successful will remind you of the effort you must not have put towards acquiring that bomb-ass internship you could’ve had. You don’t have it, though. Sucks. Just keep it all compartmentalized until it bubbles up into an uncomfortable outburst at Aunt Barbara’s annual 4th of July barbeque. No one will ever look at potato salad again.
Oh, so you thought playing quarters with girls who can’t name the player on the back of their jersey would bring you comfort, and that getting sloshed at noon would make you forget the transgressions of your past? We at The Black Sheep didn’t forget. Your feeble attempts to drown your sorrows won’t work with our leering eyes and judgmental articles. It doesn’t matter how many times they play “Sweet Caroline”, you will always be a bum-bum-bum.
4.) Stuck to the Wall of a Fraternity Basement:
You’re a junior and you still go to fraternity functions? No wonder you didn’t get that internship. They probably scrolled through your finsta and discovered what an absolute loser you are. As long as you’re there, you might as well smush yourself up onto that nasty, sticky basement wall. Plus, you have plenty of time on your hands now, you know, since you didn’t get that internship.
3.) The Okemos Chick-Fil-A:
Oh, it’s not open yet? Perfect! Maybe this disappointment will distract you from the disappointment of not getting your dream internship. Crap, we just brought it up again, didn’t we? We didn’t mean to bring up the loss of a huge opportunity in your life! We did it again… Shoot, sorry. We won’t mention you not getting your internship again, we swear.
2.) The Comm Arts Sparty’s:
If you thought your future after not landing your internship was desolate, the Comm Arts Sparty’s has you beat by a mile. It’s like MSU tried to shove an entire convenience store into a shoe closet. It’ll probably remind you of the apartment you’ll have to buy in your late 30s after your fiancé dumps you and you don’t have enough money to support yourself since your future was ruined after not getting that internship in college.
1.) The Community Showers:
We’d normally tell you to take a shower and cry in peace, since no one can hear your bellowing sobs over the sound of hot water rushing over you in the safety of your own bathroom. However, we can’t, because you didn’t get your dream internship and that’s goddamn embarrassing. You get into that community shower and cry for all the judgmental girls playing country music out loud, in the lukewarm drip that barely constitutes as bathing. You earned it.
Your mother is disappointed in you. Your father is disappointed in you. We don’t even know you, and we’re disappointed in you, too. The most impressive thing about you might be how many people you disappoint. If only you could’ve put that on your resume. Maybe then you would’ve gotten your dream internship. Yikes.
WATCH: As the Final Four begins, here’s what the Pac 12 is talking about: