Our favorite forward sports a clever little synonym on the back of his jersey. For the sake of spreading vital information, The Black Sheep has compiled a list of real life bridges that can nearly amount to our record-breaking star player, like:
7.) The Mackinac Island Bridge:
All Michiganders are familiar with this bridge into the wonderland of fudge and horse carriages. Crossing over this bridge is like crossing through the gates of normality and into a euphoric fat-induced ecstasy. This is one of the landmarks of Michigan; how else would you get to that island that everyone loves, but nobody really knows why it’s so important?
6.) Bridge of “Africa” by Toto:
If you’ve never experienced the glory that is Bobby Kimball shattering your average life with this iconic 1982 rock love ballad, hurry boy, it’s waiting there for you. Not only is this masterpiece a metaphor for your bittersweet love life, but it’s a verbal love letter to everyone’s favorite heart-shaped continent. While not quite as vital to our everyday lives as sweet Miles, it’s a close call. Keep on blessing the rain down in Africa.
5.) The Bogue Street Bridge:
Over the Bogue St. Bridge and through the bike racks, to the Sny-Phi caf we go! This bridge plays a vital part in the East Lansing aura; from the Snapchat story-worthy view of the Red Cedar to the faint smell of weed drifting through the wind, this bridge is easily the best on campus. Fun fact: if you kiss the Albert Einstein graffiti every time you walk past this bridge, literally nothing will happen.
4.) Golden Gate Bridge:
Despite its deceiving name, this bridge is anything but golden. Back in the day, this puppy was the longest suspension bridge, which somehow sounds like something that weird guy at the bar calls his junk. Here’s a special shout-out to Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco to opening all of our eyes to the magic the Golden Gate Bridge can conjure, though still not as magical as our Miles.
3.) That marshmallow and toothpick bridge you made in 4th grade:
We’ve all been there – our first ever group project, instilling in young minds that working with others is terrible. Teachers pulled this BS to make you form teamwork skills, but really all that was formed were grudges that would last far into your mid-forties. You know who’s even better with teamwork? Miles Bridges.
2.) That bridge by the Lib:
This article serves as a petition to rename this bridge, and we propose Hell Bridge. Let’s be honest, the only reason you’re walking on this bridge is to get to and from the Main Library, hence the renaming to fit the 10th circle Dante forgot about. At least when you’re walking out from the library you get the Spartan Stadium view to get your green blood aflowin’. However, it’s not quite as green as that uniform Miles Bridges wears.
1.) The bridge that breaks in Shrek:
This raggedy old structure provides a pivotal cinematic moment where Shrek saves Donkey from a fiery death, forming a bond that can never be broken. The pair goes on to slay a dragon, save a princess from
a debatably sociopathic dwarf, and raise some pretty questionable looking donkey-dragon babies. Name a more iconic duo, we dare you.
Regardless of all their infinite grandeur, none of these sparkling gems can truly compare to Miles Bridges. Keep breaking ankles, you’re doing amazing sweetie.
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