With 5,200 acres of land to its name, Michigan State has a plethora of shiny buildings, unused flat screens, and giant bird sculptures to gaze upon. For those of us who live a moped-free life, the long walks across campus leave plenty of time to sightsee – and for some unexpected arousal. Maybe you’ve hit a cold streak, maybe you’re afraid to watch porn on MSUnet Wi-Fi – whatever the reason may be, there’s no shame in getting randy over the beautiful surroundings or quirks which come with being a student at MSU.
Disclaimer: Do not read if easily titillated.
8.) Blue Powerade in the caf:
Watching the vibrant bright blue tint of Mountain Berry Blast come spewing out of the pop machine will make anyone forget it’s not the far superior Glacier Freeze. You get way more than just electrolytes when this sports drink slides down your esophagus.
7.) The Paul Bunyan trophy:
Tucked away in the Skandalaris Football Center, Paul Bunyan stands behind a glass enclosure, manspreading over the entire state of Michigan. After a year in Ann Arbor, having Paul back in his rightful home will get any Spartan’s adrenaline pumping.
6.) Stink bugs:
Popping up all over windows and into bedrooms, these pesky little guys give off a pungent aroma when squished. It could be a defense mechanism for when they feel threatened, or possibly an aphrodisiac for unsuspecting humans.
5.) No line at the Wells Hall Starbucks:
Turning the corner and not seeing a line around the corner is every loyal Starbucks drinkers’ dream (or fantasy). Starbucks usually doesn’t return the favor, but when they do, it’s sweeter than their overpriced lattes.
4.) Farm Lane walk sign voice:
If confidence is key, then the Farm Lane walk sign voice personifies confidence. He’ll tell you when to stop, when to go, and when to finish.
3.) Brian Lewerke’s hair:
It amazingly stays upright and volumized after three hours of being under a helmet. His pinpoint accuracy and exceptional leadership could possibly be because of his luscious hair, or the unrelenting love from Spartan nation.
2.) The stairs leading up to Brody caf:
The long walk up the stairs is the perfect amount of foreplay needed before entering the realm of Brody Square. The variety of smells on the journey up will prepare anyone for the feast that follows.
1.) The giant bird sculpture behind Natural Science:
Anyone who has ventured to this mystical area has done a double-take after noticing a giant bird made of nails. Its presence is dominating, yet concealed – frightening, yet erotic.
If you’ve made it this far without climaxing, kudos.