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Bagger? We Hardly Knew Her!: In Memoriam of Bagger Dave’s

In memoriam to the man who let you put whatever the fuck you want on your burger, Bagger Dave of East Lansing (2011-2018).

Bagger Dave’s Burger Tavern shook the burger enthusiasts of East Lansing to their core with their sudden shutdown. The younger and considerably more insignificant brother of Famous Dave opened his very own DIY burger bonanza in East Lansing in 2011; since then Dave has been attacked with an endless string of ridiculing comments. However, one of these comments consistently hit a little too close to home for the entrepreneur, resulting in the East Lansing location’s extremely sudden shutdown.

“I got the joke from The Office,” says MSU sophomore Grant Keynes. “That Michael Scott guy is really cool, ya know.” Several eyewitnesses report Grant has been seen on multiple accounts exclaiming ‘Bagger? I hardly know her’ outside the burger joint. “The joke caught on, people thought it was really funny, but I never meant for it to go this far.”

Unfortunately, what was meant to be a playful joke began affecting Bagger at a personal level. Years of students shouting this seemingly meaningless sentence outside the burger joint added up, resulting in this tragic shutdown

“Bagger was always insecure about his name,” an inside source close to the Burger Man himself tells us, “Imagine having to grow up in a family where your brother’s name is Famous and you’re stuck with Bagger. He could never find his name on keychains in amusement park gift shops, it really took a toll on the guy.”

Students of Michigan State are saddened by the shutdown of the restaurant famous for letting you put nearly anything on your burger. No longer will the sweet combination of barbeque sauce, bleu cheese, and green olives illuminate the taste buds of students looking to let their hair down by experimenting with new burger combos.

A candlelight vigil in memoriam of Bagger Dave himself will take place tonight at 8 p.m. Students are encouraged to speak of their favorite memories of Bagger to forever keep his East Lansing legacy intact.


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