It’s that time of year again; time to put on your “casual formal” costume and perform your act in front of potential employers, all in the hopes of convincing them that your life is way more together than it actually is. It’s definitely a performance, but in the least entertaining way possible. One of Michigan State’s very own students found this out the hard way, and let’s just say he was less than impressed with Breslin’s little number they put on from 3-to-6 one Wednesday afternoon.
Meet Jeremy Reeves, an MSU freshman majoring in “Undecided,” as well as individual who was “not wowed” by the annual Career Fair put on at Michigan State.
“I was really disappointed with the Fair this year,” Jeremy explained. “People kept yapping about it, and it really hyped me up, but then when I got here all I saw were people sitting at desks with papers, a few Tootsie Rolls, and the occasional stress ball. I can’t make this stuff up.”
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Jeremy reportedly showed up in a Hawaiian shirt with plaid shorts and a snapback with the word “Dope” cursively written on the front.
“I was expecting the whole shebang: hot dogs, cotton candy, Tilt-A-Whirls, elephant ears, the Scrambler,” Jeremy rambled on. “I wanted to go on rides until I puked. I still felt like I wanted to puke, but from boredom, and ‘cause I got dizzy walking around the never ending circle of Breslin for hours.”
Jeremy was also not impressed with the “carnies” working the Career Fair.
“They kept asking me if I had my CV; what the heck is that!? I guessed maybe it was a candy voucher, and so I said back to him ‘No, do you?’ Then he said he was busy and went back to his very interesting piece of paper in front of him,” Jeremy scoffed. “At least guess my height or weight or something!”
The MSU freshman even made quite an impression on the ladies at this year’s Career Fair.
“Oh, that kid dressed like an angst-filled dad?” junior Anna Stewart recalled. “Yeah he came up to me and asked if I wanted to go and win a goldfish. Possibly the creepiest, most confusing thing I’ve ever been asked.”
After hours of searching for any bit of entertainment, Jeremy gave up his search and left a strongly worded letter in the complaint box.
“There’s no way we don’t have a budget for this. Even the cafeterias are more interesting than this,” Jeremy remarked as he dropped his flashcard into the box. “People keep walking around like this is interesting. They may pity the university’s attempt, but I know fairs, and nothing’s gonna change unless I do something about it.”
Jeremy was later reported to be seen throwing stress balls at the Styrofoam cups at the drink table, yelling “Bullseye!” when he finally knocked over the lemonade that he had strategically arranged in a bowling pin formation.