The CATA offices were in for a surprise this week when Ben Macko, long-time driver for the company, returned from his vacation in Disney World and told his colleagues that he experienced absolutely no joy.
Did he miss the nightly sloshed and sexually frustrated 2 a.m. Rick’s crowd too much to enjoy himself? Or maybe he felt lonely without the people who forget to request their stop, but scream as the bus passes them anyway? Of course not!
However, he was gracious enough to discuss his disappointing vacation with The Black Sheep during his driving route 31.
“First of all, the brakes on the rides were too gentle,” complained Macko. “They have no idea what makes for a good ride. Personally, I like to give my passengers a little surprise.” Macko followed this comment by stopping the bus to a screeching halt, which flung many passengers out of their seats. “I call it the ‘Spartan Stomp.’ I never drive 31 without doing it.”
At the next stop several people got onto the bus with us. This seemed to jog Macko’s memory as he explained that he also took issue with the concept of “maximum capacity.”
He told us, “the signs all say ‘capacity is limited to 20’ or ‘200’ or something like that. I wasn’t really sure what that meant, but I really hated all the empty space. I would do it all differently. For example, I think my record on the bus without having to call an ambulance is 73. The operators at Disney clearly weren’t even trying.” It’s clear to us that efficiency is the name of the game for Mr. Macko, but not for the clowns at Disney. Take notes, Walt!
Hazing freshman is a dead tradition in most US colleges, but luckily here at MSU the tradition is still alive and well with CATA. In fact, it’s Macko’s favorite part of his job.
“The happiest place on Earth is here in East Lansing. I don’t get to yell at freshman for requesting a stop at the bus station in Orlando. Sure, the Disney characters are okay I guess, but they’re nothing compared to kids’ faces when I drive right by their stops they’ve been waiting at for 20 minutes, or if they’re lucky, even longer.”
Even though Disney was a disappointing time for Macko, he found the experience around Orlando to be eye-opening.
“There were a few times I almost got hit by cars or trains, and I really wasn’t sure what was going on. Eventually it clicked: the yellow lines do surprisingly very little to protect me.” How Horrifying! Hopefully they add a physical barrier to the bus to stop pesky passengers from overstepping when Macko packs it to the ceiling.
The other students on the bus didn’t seem as pleased with the ride as Macko was. One student in particular commented that he felt sick after Macko Spartan stomped him mercilessly. He covered his mouth and ran for the exit at next stop. Should’ve gone to Disney instead, bitch.
When we arrived at the last stop we ended our ride as any Spartan does: by shouting “thank you” as we walked towards the front doors of an empty bus. Macko acknowledged our gratitude by angrily scolding us to exit the bus from the back doors.
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