If you’ve ever ridden on a CATA bus, then you’ve experienced all of your internal organs being stirred together like an overpriced martini. Some may even compare the experience to a wild ride on a racetrack: a beloved video game racetrack. In order to fill a void in your life you were unaware ever existed, we have taken the task upon ourselves to pair up the CATA routes with Mario Kart tracks.
6.) Moo Moo Meadows:
This one is an obvious pairing. The 32 bus ventures down into the armpit of East Lansing, the area filled with fields and everlasting mud. It doesn’t quite make it to the Agriculture Pavilion, but we can assume that the 2006 Nickelodeon film Barnyard is based entirely on fact, and cows often take a stroll around this part of town.
5.) Mario Circuit:
CATA buses are famous for being late, with exactly one exception: the 30. Much like the Mario Circuit course, the 30 bus is always there for you when you’re having a rough time. Everyone knows that if you’re losing a Mario Kart tournament, you turn to Mario Circuit. It’s the most basic, and reliable, course in the game. Perfect match? I think so.
4.) Delfino Square:
If you live in University Village, you’re more than familiar with the 39 bus. It makes its way around the apartments, which basically make up their own little town. East Lansing’s little village might not have a bridge that sends you blasting through the air, but we’re sure if you’re on your way home from Rick’s, it might feel like it.
3.) Dry Dry Ruins:
The 33 bus makes it way right through the heart of South Campus, which might not be technically qualified as a desert; however, it is scientifically proven that South Campus is on average 3 degrees warmer than other parts of campus at any given time. If you’re really lucky, you’ll run over a Dairy Store milkshake on your way past the Union, giving you the special power of ten seconds of invisibility against CATA-induced nausea.
2.) Mushroom Gorge:
The 31 bus makes its way up and down Grand River, only a short walk from most of MSU’s co-ops, which are riddled with everyone’s favorite type of mushroom. Make your way through the co-ops and you’re sure to start feeling like you’re bouncing around a cave filled with oversized mushrooms in no time.
1.) Rainbow Road:
Our CATA journey concludes with a ride that’s so long and so painful you’ll be drained of your will to live by the time you get off: the 1 bus. This route is always going full speed and doesn’t stop for anyone; it weeds out the weak and can make even the strongest-willed men cry for their mommies. It truly is the Rainbow Road of CATA routes.
CATA is always sure to pack some surprising twists and turns, making it exactly like a nice round of Mario Kart. Hopefully your friendships don’t get torn apart by the CATA busses, though!
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