Players for the Central Michigan Chippewas, upon arriving to MSU’s campus before Saturday’s game, were baffled to discover that MSU students have a long-standing tradition of caring about football.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said one player who wished to remain anonymous for several reasons, not least of which being that he plays for a shitty football team with a racist mascot. “People here talk about football all the time: in restaurants, in bars, just walking around. They even write newspaper articles about it!”
Multiple other players confirmed to The Black Sheep that they had never before encountered a school with a tradition of caring about how well the football team does. Many thought that the Central Michigan tradition of pretending the football team doesn’t exist was simply the norm around the country.
“I’m trying to keep the players calm and relaxed, but this kind of shock is difficult to cope with,” a visibly distraught CMU head coach John Bonamego said. “To be perfectly honest, it’s freaking me the fuck out too.”
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