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Dantonio Cancels Practice To Talk Shit To 12-Year-Olds On Xbox Live In Attempt To Show Players What ‘Offensive’ Means

After MSU football’s poor offensive showing against Arizona State, Coach Dantonio decided to take matters into his own hands. Hopping onto Xbox Live, Dantonio hurled insults and incredible disses at 12-year-old Call of Duty players in an effort to show his players the true meaning of the word “offensive.”

“I’m just out here trying to show my team how to really commit to an offense,” Dantonio said while calling one youth a mealy-mouthed garbage fire of a human being. “You can’t let social norms and basic human decency get in your way when it comes to winning football games,” he said, throwing in a few “douchebags” for good measure. 

“Besides,” Dantonio added while demonstrating the proper way to make preteens cry using only a few words and a snide voice, “there’s nothing like being called a cocksucker by a pimply-faced pubescent loser to really get the blood flowing.”

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