As the selection committee unveiled the results of its hard work seeding teams this past Sunday, Dick Vitale sat at his desk cradling his goofy lil’ head in his hands.
“How can this team be expected to do anything right?” he moaned to himself, in utter distress. “They weren’t even invited to the NIT last year, and now they think they can compete with teams like Tulsa and Notre Dame? Just look at the numbers!”
Dickie V. threw his hands to the heavens, wondering how the hell the Michigan Wolverines weaseled their way into a dance with the big boys this March. “Valparaiso and Monmouth had higher RPIs than the Squirrels of Ann Arbor, and did Ohio State just cease to exist?”
With the slam of his fist against the desk he exclaimed, “If this team’s going to have any chance, they’re going to need some inspiration from yours truly. I’ll give them a real inspirational talking to… yeah, everyone knows there’s nothing a Wolverine loves more than a mouthful of Dick…” Vitale trailed off, thinking about just how sorry the selection panel must have felt for Michigan’s basketball team. “I’m just sayin’ this basketball team doesn’t have Harbaugh to save them!”
With only his collection of Wolverine bobble-heads to listen, Vitale’s private little monologue continued. “Speaking of embarrassing, imagine having to compete as the same state as those Spartans!” DV suddenly got super excited, jumping up out of his seat and giggling that classic Vitale giggle. “Makes me sweat just thinking about it. You just know Denzel Valentine’s cutting down the nets in Houston this year! Green and white is awesome, baby!”