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Drunk Girl Gives TED Talk to Full Rick’s Bathroom


Chaos erupted at Rick’s on Thursday night when MSU senior, Daisy Walker, decided to give an impromptu TED Talk to a full women’s restroom.


Walker told us “I was j-chilling on my couch trying to read one of those weird backwards Japanese comic books, when Kate texted me and was like, ‘STR!’ with a bunch of winky-tongue-sticking-out emojis.” When prompted on her reaction, she admitted to us “I immediately threw on my super original lace-up body suit and got ready to husband-hunt at Rick’s.”


Walker, an advertising major, said as the night dragged on and no “boys in polo t-shirts” were hitting on her, she started to feel inadequate.


Kate Hampton, Walker’s companion that night, said “She totally blamed herself for it, too. She kept saying her C-cup was a ‘See what cup? I see nothing in that cup!’ Eventually she just started buying drink after drink until she was completely sloshed.”


Finally, when Walker could no longer recite her ABCs in the correct order, the girls decided it might be time for a bathroom break. That’s where Walker hit her stride.


“I vaguely remember sitting on the floor by the toilet and seeing all these angels come in,” recalls Walker. “Like holy hell, these girls were absolute dimes! I physically couldn’t stop the word vomit from coming out about how beautiful they all were. There was actual vomit too, but that’s not the important puke here.”


Walker said that that was when she had a revelation. “If those girls were super fine glasses of wine and came crawling drunk into the bathroom like me, then I must be Rosé all day too,” said Walker, writing down the catchphrase so she could tweet it later. “What if they were feeling weepy and nauseous like me, and nobody told them how cute all of their butts were? I wouldn’t stand for it, mostly because I couldn’t actually stand.”


According to Nina Brawn, a Rick’s regular, the bathroom was full of “lonely singles and girls that actually just had to pee, but nobody – not even those on shift – was spared from enlightenment on Thursday night.” Brawn called it “a total work of art, but like, with words.”


When questioning Walker on why she felt inclined to speak to the Rick’s bathroom, she told us “…it was just something I had to do. I never expected Chris Anderson, the creator of TED Talks, to be dressed in drag in the women’s bathroom that night. He was, though, and he saw something in me, and took my little speech from drunken ramblings to drunken ramblings with a microphone and picture slideshow.”


“She made this twenty-minute-long speech about how we all look like the butterfly crown filter on Snapchat, but in real life, with a small tangent about how she may or may not have forgotten to put on deodorant,” said Brawn, fondly. “I learned to love myself that night, along with the thirty other ladies that squeezed into the Rick’s bathroom with me. We all love each other and ourselves, all because of Paisley. What? Oh, right, her name was Daisy.”


All because of Anderson and her TED talk, Walker now plans to abandon advertising and take her motivational movement out of the Rick’s restroom and on a bar bathroom tour soon, with a sponsorship from Jose Cuervo. Tickets will be available soon.


For those about to rush, we salute you:

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