In the first quarter of last week’s 28-14 victory over Western Michigan, Brian Lewerke outran the entire Broncos defense for a 61-yard touchdown. In a post-game interview wide receiver, Darrell Stewart Jr., gave perhaps the greatest quote in Spartan football history: “What people don’t understand is Brian Lewerke is White Lightning.” For Lewerke to be donning such an inspiring nickname this early in the season could be a sign of good things to come for the rebounding Spartan Dawgs. If you’re out there wondering, ‘how do I get a sweet nickname like White Lightning?’, look no further:
Step 1— Run a 4.71 40-yard dash:
For comparison, Tim Tebow ran a 4.72 at the 2010 NFL combine. Anyone running faster than that is most certainly #blessed.
Step 2— Be able to ask the tough questions:
Lady Gaga? Katy Perry? What about @champagnepapi? Enough pop stars and more Wheelchair Jimmy.
Step 3— Embrace Michigan winters even though you’re from Arizona:
Subzero temperatures or face melting heat. It doesn’t matter. Lightning strikes in all climates.
Step 4— Don’t be afraid to call out the big shots:
While we’re on the subject: bring back the headphone jack, no one wants to buy your shitty bluetooth headphones.
Step 5— Be a man of the people:
The Super Bowl represents everything great about this country: Competition, entertainment, and binge eating.
Step 6— Be this guy:
In Brian We Trust.
Step 7— Be a fan of The Black Sheep because Brian is: