Mass confusion ensued in Erickson Hall’s IAH lecture when an unidentified female pulled out her laptop to take notes. To the dismay of her fellow classmates, her laptop was entirely devoid of stickers.
“I can’t know for sure if she loves the earth, as there is no watercolor sticker of a tree or flower in sight,” classmate Sarah Schultz told The Black Sheep. “What are her politics? There is no Bernie ’16 sticker, so for all I know she voted for Gary Johnson. Honestly, laptop stickers are the only true way to identify potential friends in a 300-person lecture.”
Other classmates expressed a similar concern.
“How am I supposed to know if she’s been to Moosejaw like, ever, if she doesn’t have the sticker?” commented concerned classmate Tim Baker. “Who knows if she even loves the state of Michigan without that Great Lakes outline sticker? What clubs did she attend exactly once before quitting? Without laptop stickers, how am I supposed to get a sense of her personality?”
According to the Michigan State University Department of Psychology, laptop stickers are a key part of the human experience.
“Laptop stickers are very important for the self-esteem of college students, and frankly people all across the globe,” commented Dr. Kathryn Flynn, a professor of cognitive psychology. “They allow students to not only showcase how interesting and cool they are, but to also demonstrate that they are willing to spend 3-5 dollars on a sticker. Laptop sticker choice directly reflects the personality of students, as well as their worth as a person. In some cases, laptop stickers can even indicate the quality of mate or friend the laptop bearer might be.”
When reached for comment, the girl with the naked laptop confirmed that she, as speculated, has no interests.