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Grand River Described in Only Haiku


You know when you’re with friends and you think a joke is really funny, but then you try to tell it later and it’s not funny at all? That about sums up this article. Sounds good at first, but is way harder when you’re actually doing it (that is what she said, friends). So here’s freaking haiku describing our illustriously dignified Grand River.


I threw up inside
Peanut Barrel. ‘Twas real good.
My Long Island’s gone.


Where did Conrad’s go
Noodles and company shaft-
Ed them. They succ balls.


Peanut Barrel jokes.
Barrel’s of peanuts are fun.
Peanut Barrel jokes.


Underage drinking.
Oh shit, the cops just got here.


Taco Bell tacos.
A drunk’s only paradise.
Get us more grillers.


I spent ten dollars
At Insomnia Cookies.
I only got two.


Jimmy John’s subs are
Quite good. I think they’re tasty.
Yasssss. Advertisement.


Drunkenly drinking more booze.
Drank drinks alcoholfhjblqweirhesdjnfalkj.


It’s really cold out.
I only wore a jersey.
My weenie is cold.


Are haikus really
Related to anime?
Anime confirmed.


I just shit in the
Street. There is shit everywhere.
Grand River is great.


Love you Grand River.
Sincerely, MSU. Frick
These stupid rules.


Like honestly, poetry is supposed to evoke emotion and bleed passion. This does nothing. Why five syllables, then seven, then five. It makes no sense at all. With that said, it looks like we won’t be passing our English classes any time soon. But hey, it’s the thought that counts!





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