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Honest Caf Menus: What Are You Really Consuming in the MSU Cafs?

 

Caf menus are notoriously misleading — they tell you there’ll be a pasta bake, and there’s really just uncooked noodles. But what’s really in some of the caf food? We at The Black Sheep took a closer look.

 

What You Think It Is: Pasta Alfredo

What It Really Is: Cardboard with sauce

Pasta alfredo sounds good in theory, but in practice, it’s really just cut up cardboard with alfredo sauce smeared around to make it look like food. It’s crunchy and might give you a paper cut, but it’s palatable.

 

What You Think It Is: Sny-Phi pizza

What It Really Is: Soggy, uncooked bread

The pizza looked good from a distance, but you know as soon as you take a bite that this pizza is no pizza at all. It is actually just a slice of soggy, uncooked bread hidden under some sauce and cheese. Nice try, Sny-Phi.

 

What You Think It Is: Spartan Spirit coffee

What It Really Is: Motor oil

All you wanted was a morning pick-me-up from a totally average cup of coffee, but instead what you got was literal motor oil. Ah yes, you can feel it corroding your stomach lining as you fight the urge to vomit. Still, you would rather pay two dollars for your motor oil coffee than five for something better, you cheapskate, you.

 

What You Think It Is: Cheeseburger mac and cheese

What It Really Is: Yesterday’s leftovers

In order to avoid serving the same average mac and cheese twice, Shaw caf likes to spice it up every now and then and take yesterday’s pasta and throw in some burger meat and cheese. This meal didn’t sound appealing to begin with, but it’s even less appealing if you start to speculate how old the initial pasta is.

 

What You Think It Is: Salad bar lettuce

What It Really Is: Lawn clippings

The salad bar lettuce has always looked a little weak to you, and tasted a little odd. This is because it’s not lettuce; the university takes its old lawn clippings and feeds them to students to save money. Mmm, grass.

 

What You Think It Is: Scrambled eggs

What It Really Is: An old leather shoe

The scrambled eggs always looked a little stiff and tasted leathery. When you bite in and realize that they aren’t eggs at all, you finally figure out the truth – the caf has disguised an old leather shoe as food.

 

What You Think It Is: A normal sandwich

What It Really Is: A waste of your damn time

All you wanted was the last bit of decent food left in the caf, but everyone else had the same idea. In order to actually get a sandwich, you have to wait in line for 20-40 minutes, only to forget to ask for chipotle mayo. At the end of the day, the sandwich line was a waste of your damn time, and you would’ve been just as happy eating lawn clippings.

 

From motor oil to old leather shoes, our cafs are full of exotic food choices. Thankfully we have delicious options on Grand River to appease our starving stomachs.

 

 

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