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Lyman Briggs to Now Require “How to Have Sex” Ed Course

After much deliberation, it has been decided that the Lyman Briggs College will require a sex ed course for its undergraduate students. This comes after several reports of the college freshmen “just not getting laid, and not even knowing where to start.”

“We’ll address putting a condom on a banana, STDs, how to speak to a person you find attractive without coming across as a repugnant asshole—all the basics,” said Dr. Bob ReBuca, Lyman Briggs faculty member.

Dr. Bob ReBuca’s plans don’t end there

“We’ll have a whole unit dedicated to the fact that girls do not pee out of their vaginas,” Dr. ReBuca explained, while thumbing through various memes he plans to use in the course syllabus. “From there, we’ll go on to explaining how to have a conversation without mentioning that you are pre-med, and then explain what the clitoris is.”

“I think this will be really helpful for everyone involved,” natural sciences student Blair Urquhart stated. “I would like someone to explain to Jake in my Orgo lecture what a reasonable timeframe to text a girl back looks like. Oh, and it would also be great if someone told him that no one fucking cares about his pet lizard named Darwin.”

The class will run in Spring of 2018 and will be required for Lyman Briggs freshmen, but is open to all Lyman Briggs students. According to Dr. ReBuca, students from the College of Engineering will be welcomed with an override.

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