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Moped Rider Finds Loophole In New Parking Restrictions By Just Skipping Class Entirely

With the Michigan State moped parking ban at bike racks that is set to go into effect across campus this first week back to classes, some regular riders have worked to find a way around it as not to upset their “vibe.”

One moped rider with a severe case of MES (Moped Entitlement Syndrome) has discovered a breakthrough solution to bypassing the new restrictions: not attending class at all.

“If I just don’t go, then I won’t have to drive onto campus, which means I won’t have to follow the rules and park where they tell me. I think that’s the transitive property or something, right?” said fifth year economics major, Josh Burns.

While the ban may result in less cluttered bike racks and happier pedestrians, relations between motorized and non-motorized modes of transportation have never been more polarized.

“The bikers are just jealous because I can zip past them even while one of my bros is sitting behind me,” said Burns. “Good thing I won’t be seeing them in the streets or in the classroom from here on out.”

MSU Parking Services is expecting other moped drivers to follow Burns’ lead of habitually skipping class in order to avoid walking the 200 ft. from the parking lot.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.

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