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MSU Frat Boy No Longer Able to Guarantee Taking Home a Drunk White B*tch Every Weekend

EAST LANSING- After a leasing issue with the Abbott to M.A.C. block of Grand River, Conrad’s College Town Grill has been forced to temporarily close.

Billy Krisko is concerned that his post-Rick’s ritual of grabbing a DWB, then falling asleep before he can satisfy himself it is going to fade away.

“The only chance I ever have of taking a drunk white bitch home is if it’s in wrap form. Now I’ll be DWB-less in every way possible,” said Conrad’s regular, Billy.

Currently, the rumor is that Noodles & Co. wants to move into the spot, just a few yards from their current location.

“Noodles are no good on a drunk stomach, you need tots. Lots and lots of tots, and mac and cheese bites, and chicken fingers, and bacon, and ranch,” commented Krisko. “Falling up the steps from Rick’s and accidentally wandering into the glass door of Noodles & Co. when I already have a limp noodle is not how I want to spend my last few Saturday nights here.”

Despite the other two locations in East Lansing, Billy is still devastated.

“What am I supposed to do? Order from one of the other locations and have it delivered? That’s not exactly legal,” continued Billy Krisko. “There’s a camaraderie about standing in the line, that sometimes stretches out to the sidewalk, and then missing your number get called the first 3 times.”

The restaurant plans to open up another location near the old one soon, but students are still concerned with the history associated with the Abbott and Grand River location.

“It’s history-rich,” says one MSU history professor, Dr. Thomas Silo. “All of the doodles on the glass, the duct tape art on the bathroom doors, the time Draymond punched a guy…this is truly a special location.”

Dr. Silo is attempting to use these grounds to mark it a historical East Lansing landmark. But in the mean time, The Black Sheep urges you to keep Conrad’s, Mr. Krisko, and DWBs in your thoughts during these tough times.

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