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An Open Letter from MSU to Barack Obama: Thanks for Jinxing Us

March Madness is upon us here at Michigan State University, and everyone is feeling the excitement of hopefully seeing MSU make it farther in the NCAA tournament than they did two years ago. Everything seems to be in line for us, so there is no way we could mess this up – right?

But then, good ol’ Barack Obama just had to go and mess it up for us, huh? Look, Obama, we’ll level with you for a moment: you’re great, America loves you and misses you, you’re all fine and dandy. But come on, man. Let us have this one! Don’t go and pick us as your team to win the entire tournament! MSU’s sports teams are historically atrocious when they get a lot of attention! We don’t want to let you down by losing. That would be like disappointing the dad that is way cooler and funnier than our actual dad!

But here we are, the bracket curse once again upon us. The moment MSU feels any type of pressure from people wanting them to win, they play like a group of kindergartners who never learned what a ball was. You see what you’ve done to us, Obama? You screwed us! We’re doomed! We were going to go into this March Madness not expecting much after the Big Ten loss against Michigan; maybe we win a few games, it’d be great! But you just had to go and want us to do more than is physically possible for our team to do! You just had to believe in us!

And don’t even think that just because you were the cool president means we’re going to let it slide that you aren’t even that good with choosing a bracket. You picked the winner last year, North Carolina, which oh, wow, whoop-de-doo, but we aren’t going to forget the seven years of your bad bracket picks before that! 1 out of 8 is a failing grade, Obama! And now you’re expecting to take us right down with you, like the band on the Titanic.

We hope you’re happy, Obama. You may not have to worry about getting together a “Space Force” in order to stop any oncoming space-related attacks like the current president does, because all you have to do now is watch MSU fail (because you jinxed us). We never thought we’d get to say this in this tone ever again, but… Gee, thanks Obama.

 

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