It’s the spoopiest time of year, and y’know what that means: it’s time to get…entertained by the wonderful activities the RAs will set up for you in the study lounge. Mock us if you will, but we at The Black Sheep have found quite a deal of merit in opting out of a lit party with your friends to join your floor’s nerds in a Halloween hullabaloo. There are reasons like:
6.) Slutty Sparty:
It’s a school sponsored party, so you know what that means: Sparty will be there! And Sparty empathizes with you- he knows that nobody wants to actually be there, so in an attempt to liven up the party, you’ll most likely find Sparty arriving in a g-string and the skimpiest armor-clad bra he can find! Feel free to laugh at his expense, but be sure to stay a fair distance away, he can get aroused easily.
5.) Mary Mayo Puking in the Community Bathroom:
Now, this is obviously supervised by the RAs, so alcohol is going to be one of those things that you’re going to have to be a little innovative about if you want to have some at this party. Fortunately, Mary Mayo has been haunting this muthafucka for 103 years now, so she knows the ropes. Unfortunately, Mary Mayo died of alcohol poisoning, so she never really knew her limits. After she finishes inhaling 12 water bottles full of Pumpkin Spice Burnett’s, you can find her blowing up the community bathroom. Just don’t tell the RAs; they’ll call for EMT Services, and you just don’t want them to tease her like that, y’know?
4.) “Spooky Scary Skeletons” for 12 Hours:
It’s time for this party to get truly lit! The RAs want you to have a good time, but they know deep down in their hearts that it will be quite a challenge to make that a reality. Why not liven up the party by pumpin’ up the jams? “Spooky Scary Skeletons” is upbeat, seasonal, and the perfect song to get down to. Complemented by your RA’s ill-timed dabs, this song is a shoe in to go over well!
3.) Free Pizza House:
Let’s face it: nobody likes their RA, but they all love free pizza! There’s no shame in being that guy that’s grabbing up an entire Chicago-style deep dish pizza for themselves. Sure, you might not be the RA’s favorite person there, but the flyer did say “free pizza.” It never gave any restrictions, right?
2.) An Excuse to Not Go to Your 8 a.m. in Wells on Tuesday Morning:
“I’m sorry I missed your vigorating lecture today, professor! Y’see, I was joining my residential assistants in a faculty-sponsored Halloween party, and they said you would understand if I couldn’t open my peepers at such an early hour, y’know?”Works like a charm.
1.) A VHS copy of The Wacky Adventures of Ronald McDonald: Scared Silly:
What Halloween party would be complete without a scary movie? Fortunately, the RAs will be complementing your party with the first installment in the series, in which some punk-ass bitch named Franklin tries to scare the shit out of Ronald and the gang by putting them in the world’s spoopiest escape room. This musical extravaganza featuring Grimace, The Hamburglar, Ronald’s token minority friends, Tika and Birdie the Bird, and his dog Sundae (that he just happened to never mention up until the debut of this film), will be sure to do you a frighten!
Overall, the RAs know deep down in their hearts that nobody in their right mind would ever want to go to a floor event on Halloween. The fact that you’re there will warm their hearts so much that they will just turn the other cheek when spotting you doing a keg stand in your dorm room the weekend after.
Ever need a reason to skip class? Think again: