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Report: MSU Football Still Kinda Sucks


Following MSU football’s crushing defeat to Notre Dame last weekend, Spartan Nation’s early season euphoria has given way to chagrin as fans realize that the team still isn’t all that good.


“After I saw us beat a powerhouse program like Bowling Green, I thought we were a lock to make the College Football Playoff,” said advertising sophomore Alex Bell. “But after that performance over the weekend, I’m not so sure. It feels like it might be time to give up.”


Bell was not the only diehard Spartan fan to come to the realization that rebuilding takes time.


“I was expecting an immediate turnaround this year,” said fisheries and wildlife junior Tonya Schlessinger. “Yeah, I know we only won three games last year, but that was with Tyler O’Connor and an all-around bad team. Now that we have Brian Lewerke, I thought at least a Big Ten championship was plausible. Now I’d be surprised if we make a bowl game at all.”


MSU head coach Mark Dantonio is aware of the waning enthusiasm among the Spartan fanbase, and thinks people shouldn’t give up hope just yet.



“Can you all just chill out a little bit? Like really, just calm all the way down,” said a visibly annoyed Dantonio during his latest press conference. “Did we lose? Yes. Did our players make a lot of dumb mistakes? Also yes. Our team is freshman heavy, and they can barely carry their dorm keys let alone a football program. It’s only one game. We can still bounce back.”


Players have joined Dantonio in an effort to calm the fanbase.


“Look, low-key I wasn’t expecting to win that game. I appreciate the support, but I felt a little bit overmatched,” said MSU quarterback Brian Lewerke. “But we’re young and stuff. I’m sure we’ll be okay in the end.”


Despite the efforts from Dantonio and the team, Spartan fans seem to have already lost their faith as they come to a paradigm shifting realization: the team might not be as good as they expected. Watch the Spartans take on the Iowa Hawkeyes tomorrow to see if this continues.




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