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River Trail Cockroaches Accepting Leftover ‘Roaches’ as One of Their Own

As the snow melts, numerous things have been revealing themselves all around campus – right before getting covered again early Monday morning.

The Sanford Nature Trail in particular has been hit with a plague of roaches– the end of a joint that contains the filter, generally a leftover from stoners who obviously haven’t seen Wall-E. The reemergence of these roaches has altered the Animal Kingdom atmosphere in this little corner of campus; the cockroaches living there have begun to accept the roaches as one of their own kind.

Students living in East Neighborhood have reported a shift in the dynamic around town due to the new ‘Roach Empire’.

“I’ll be walking down the trail on my way to my 8 a.m., and the roaches will stop me in my tracks,” freshman Dayna Lewis recounts her experience with the army of roaches in the last week. “It’s like they’re preparing for war! They hold up the filters in between them, like they’re a member of their tribe. If you look closely enough you can even see they’ve drawn on little faces with dirt.”

The squirrels and other animals who normally reside near the trail have also begun acting erratic now that the roaches have risen to power. The normal chain of command seems to have been thrown to shit. Unfortunately, all of these creatures who call Sanford Nature Trail their home have refused to be interviewed in regards to the topic; however, we can say that they are definitely not happy.

“There are times where I’m sitting and smoking and things will just come pummeling down at me, it’s like someone is specifically trying to knock the joint out of my hand,” Jarred Thomas, a regular visitor of the trail, tells us of his experience within the newly shifted atmosphere. “The squirrels just seem angry lately. Instead of eating pretzels out of my hand, they just slap them away with their tiny little paws.”

This shift in the animal power structure brings about a great deal of ambiguity regarding the future of the Sanford Nature Trail, but these roaches are most definitely prepared to take over.


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